ashleeey (:

Moved

2010-01-23T00:09:00.000-08:00

I've moved blogging to Tumblr. ;)
Please re-link me.
Sorry for the inconvenience much.

http://www.diamondtraffickills.tumblr.com

See you there, readers!
Sorry for the VERY, i mean it, VERY long M.I.A.
;(

Eff Love?

2009-11-10T03:14:00.000-08:00

Hot oven-like, sweaty, greasy hair, sticky skin.

Not what I've really expected.
But, I had great fun!

Hello!
Firstly, I just want to say, I'm super busy and super tired. I just can't wait for finals to end. I've studied and tried my best. So, lets just sit and watch whats next, aite? (:

Had steamboat buffet last week. Or was it last two weeks? It was so fun, I'm telling you. We had steamboatm bbq and grilling. Ahh, those grilled seafood. && I had durian ice cream. Heeheeee.

Calvin and Khairy getting busy. Serving the ladies.

These are the people that practically save my life. Save me from being emotional. & I thank you all for that.
Now, lets look at "part" of the food we took. I ate a lot. & that explains my fat arms. Sigh.

When you're munching on seafood, how could you resist crabs? Seriously.

And some of these. Are my favourite :D

Anyone up for Dim-sums & some unique filling fish balls?

And this was how our steamboat/grilling session looks like. This post is making me hungry. Sigh

Prawns, squids, chicken sate, curry chicken. Anyone up for that? :)

&, at the end of the day, this was the amount of food we ate. And look how messy are we.
And calvin, I'm not a monster. I don't eat like a monster.

[edited]

I just can't wait to fly to Melbourne on the 19th November. Off for 3 months. Time to have a vacation and clear things off my mind. :)
xoxx

Oh My God

2009-11-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

Hey. :|

I know I know. I'm sorry for the VERY VERY VERY late updates. I'm just being tooo lazy to update and very busy. This semester is really killing me. I just hope the next sem, wouldn't be such a bitch. No?

My next update? I want to update about some bikini shots. How? No bikini shots. :( Boyf don't want to take bikini shots for me. Sigh. No promise, but I will bug the shit outta him to take several bikini shots of me.

&& yes! I'm flying to Melbourne, Australia on the 19th Nov - 2nd Jan. I'll make sure I'll take pictures and update it here. There are so many things I want to buy. Seriously.
Need to get a pretty beach hat.
Hope the next sem wouldn't start so fast. I want to go on a holiday with my colletemates! ;(

xo

Its You

2009-10-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I fell in love with you. Despite the things you put me through, i put you through, you're still the one I'm so in love with.
But at times, I guess, we should put a stop already. Getting back together and argueing everyday is not the solution. Hanging up on each other is not the solution.
Yes, I miss you. Yes, I love you. Wait.. no I'm IN LOVE with you, Teuku Emiraldi. But, I guess this is where we really really have to say goodbye.
I wish you the best in life and the things you do. I'm sorry things ended up like that. I really miss you and our memories. So, please cherish them. I'm flying off to Australia, Melbourne on 19th November till January. So, I hope this period, you'll be a better person. Take care of yourself.
I love you, still do, always.

Miracles?

2009-10-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

He said, "I love you."
She replied, "I love you too."

Yes, I'm more than happy.
No more dramas.
Yes, mind you, NO MORE.

Sure As Hell.

2009-10-04T02:58:00.000-07:00

Even though its over,
I'm not available.
Not to anyone.

Because I love you. I always have, and always will.
:')

Its About Time..

2009-10-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

Heyho.

Basically I don't like and enjoy who and what I've become. I didn't eat properly for 3 days. If you considered a slice of bread in the morning at 7, and all the way until 7 in the evening and a bowl of cold soup, or the very next day would be slice of bread and a hot milo all the way until 10 at night and some warm water till 4.30 in the morning, despite the fact that i was doing my assignment till 5 in the morning and woke up at 6.30 in the morning, or half bowl of oats untiil 3 in the afternoon, "indomee kecil" until 1:45 in the morning.

Not to mention, I'm getting involve in ciggarettes. Hey, I starve AND smoke. How problematic am i? I don't want to be the next Britney Spears, neither the next Lindsanity Lohan. No offence to LiLo's fans out there, because I love Lindsay.

I tend to break down easily. Even when I misplaced my pink Minnie Mouse pendrive, i thought I lost it, I started to weep. Till one of my friend was actually having it, she found it in the lab during class. When I'm doing my assignment, I'm stuck during the assignment, couldn't think of anything but our memories, couldn't focus, when I left a few more hours before the submission, I start to weep. & my friend would comfort me and guide me. When I got a very very bad grade, I weep. Even doing this, I'm starting to weep. My bestf in college is gone, because she has some problems that she has to settle. & I'm missing her so much, I miss talking to her, I miss her presence and her jokes, I start to weep.

This is not me. I don't weep when I'm stuck during an essay or assignment. I don't weep when I lost my pendrive. I don't weep when I got bad grades, but yes I will be depressed, but not weep. Not in public or in class or outside the hall!

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I don't want to be this emotional person. I really am not. Seriously. But, I'm becoming one..

Its weird that you can go on without me. You're doing so fine without me. I just wish I'm more like you. I just wish I could go on a day wearing that cap, going out with friends, not thinking about you nor anything, lighting that ciggarettes and laughing and have the time of my life with my friends, playing pool with a bunch of hot unknown guys, giggling and flirting, being super duper nice and agreeing to go out with guys. I wish I could all those. I wish I could do it, just like how you did it. It looks simple. But no. I couldn't. I realise what I'm doing to myself. But, I couldn't help it. Thats how much the damage has caused in me. I could not stand back up after the fall. Nobody told me it was this difficult and hard.

I hate who I've become. I really do. But I just can't stop doing it again and again.
Stupid much? Maybe..

Blow It Up

2009-09-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

Hello babies :)
This post is especially for you babies. Haha. Miss you guys to bits!

I know, I'm sorry for abandoning my blog for ages. In addition, without photos. I'm so busy with work, assignments, homeworks and my mid-terms.
Few days ago, we were playing with Keith's 2k dslr. Whoo hooo.
And, meet my babiessss :D

Bubu & I.

Lee Yee and I

I had so much fun. Its fun to have girlfs around, you know? Especially those who really cares about you and think how you feel, cheer you up and update you. :p And I just want to say thanks to someone for teaching me that, having girlfs around is not a bad thing, but the best damn thing. :). Even though I'm so mad at you, and practically, we're not really together anymore, yet I just want to say thank you so much.

Last but not least..

I love you guys to bits!

Yasmeen, Lisza and Ashley Y, even though you guys are missing in the photos, but do remember, I still love you all equally :). Thanks for everything!

xoxx

Afterall.

2009-09-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

I never say it was going to be easy.

It was never easy to let go.

Being emotional and jealous at times, doesn't mean I don't love you.
Being protective at times, doesn't mean I don't love you.
Argueing with you, doesn't mean I don't love you.
Swearing at you, doesn't mean I don't love you.
Most of all, letting you go, doesn't mean I don't love you.

I will always love you.

But, I've decided to let go.
Because, enough is enough.
:')
I never wanted things to end like this, but it did.

Not Anymore

2009-09-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to
This, this, this is dedicated to
Mmm, well, if your feeling like I'm feeling
Then this is dedicated to you

Well, I've been the super girlfriend
Let you think that nothing bother me
Like when you go out with your friends
And people bring me back the stories

The stories 'bout them other girls
'Bout this one and that one and those three
So when I ask a simple question
(Where were you last night?)
You wanna yell and scream and try to flip it on me

No, no, no
(No, no)
Is anybody else just fed up?
If you heard it all befo', fo', fo'
(Fo', fo')
Then right where you are just get up

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

'Cause I've dried my eyes and I realized
I deserve somebody that'll treat me right

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Somebody say, I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

Because I know my word so you can keep
That drama, I don't want it anymore
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore

Mmm, no more settling for less
I'm looking for that kind of man
That's gonna give his best
'Cause I'm giving my best

A man that wants to cherish this
And knows exactly how to woo me
Not some silly little boy
Who wants my goodies
'Cause he took me to the movies

No, no, no
(No, no)
Is anybody else just fed up?
If you heard it all befo', fo', fo'
(Fo', fo')
Then right where you are just get up

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

'Cause I've dried my eyes and I realized
I deserve somebody that'll treat me right
Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Because I know my word so you can keep
That drama, I don't want it anymore

Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
(Walking out the door)
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
(No, not anymore)
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore

Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore
(Not no more, not no more, I'm gone)
Ooh, oh, oh oh
(No)

This is dedicated to
(Better believe in a day)
This, this, this is dedicated to
(Wipe the tears from my face)
Mmm, well, if you feeling like I'm feeling
(If you feel me say)
Then this is dedicated to you

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

'Cause I've dried my eyes when I realized
I deserve somebody that'll treat me right
Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore

Somebody say I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Because I know my word so you can keep
That drama, I don't want it anymore
Ooh, oh, oh oh, not anymore

This time, I mean it.
All the best in everything.

This Got To End

2009-09-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

I keep waiting for you, but you never come.

Rainbows and Unicorns

2009-09-08T04:15:00.000-07:00

Ola :D

Marketing quiz was so-so. Could have done better. Passed by still not satiesfied. Had lunch today with Bubu and Ashley. Overall, the food was okay. The previous one I had was much better. Blame the chef. Hmph. And, it surprise me that he called during lunch. After I was mad at him, telling him, I won't call him anymore.

Now, now, I'm currently studying my Marketing for tomorrow's mid-terms. I know, Marketing.. again? Yes, AGAIN. I'm feeling extremely sleepy. So, I'm actually googling on, "How to Get Thicker, Darker and Longer Eyelashes NATURALLY?" Yes, thats right! :D

Here are some home beauties you should try. Heehee.
#1: Apply olive oil or castor oil on your eyelashes before going to bed. For better results, trim your eyelashes. Like, the tip of your lashes. Just a tiny bit. It'll somehow grow faster in a short period of time.

#2: Or, you can apply Vaseline on your eyelashes before going to bed

#3: Brushing your eyelashes regularly will grow too.
HOW?
Hah, you can either use a tiny brush or a clean mascara brush to apply on your eyelashes. Or rub some oil on your fingers and apply with the tip of your fingers to your lashes. Trimming your lashes is not necessary. It just fasten the growth.

Okayy, I'm so trying it later. Haha. Back to Marketing.

Pee kaa boo! :)

ps: Finally, Yasmeen reached London. Love you, hun!

Superior

2009-09-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Ola :)
Next week onwards is going to be stressful! Mid-terms, assignments to be due and quizes. Gees, gimme some break. Things are not going so well. I thought it was. I was wrong. Again. and again. Had a day out with Yasmeen and Christoper the other day at Papa Rich. Yas, I'm going to miss you so damn much next week! I'll try to make it on either Saturday or Sunday.

Thanks for the talk and ears, babe. I miss you so damn much! Love you munkey.

As long as I know, I have good friends around me, helping me when I need them. Getting me out of the house, listening to my rants and problems, comfort and cheer me when I'm crying, hugging me when I'm crying and defending for me, sending me cute text messages and giving out tags on my blog to cheer me up. I have Lisza to bring me out for drinking session, listen to my rants and problems on the phone or face to face, giving me advice, and camwhoring, coming to my place for sleepover or vice versa. I have my miles away friend all the way from London, Yasmeen, chatting with me through MSN and every once a year, she'll come down to Malaysia, and we'll get to hangout and I'll receive pretty gifts from her. I have Lexie, that send me message out of the blue, cheering me up and asking me out.I have Bubu and Ashley Y in college to accompany me and cheer me up and make me laugh. I have tons of funny classmates that couldn't stop making jokes in class and make everyone laugh. I have funny and bitchy lecturers that make you smile and laugh. Ohh, Mr. Indy, I miss spilling my problems to you! I have classmates that despise me and that makes me feel much more better, for letting me know who is my friend and who is not. I have tons of assignments to finish and lots of subjects and chapters to go through for my mid-terms. I have to wake up early every single weekends for work. I have a funny supervisor, Najip that never fail to make jokes through out the whole day during work. I have a one-of-a-kind senior, Leen, that will make me piss at times but at times making me laugh till my stomach hurts and a very vain senior, Amy, that is so into her hair and keep teasing me . I have Amelia to bully and tease during work, sending me cute notes, telling me "Don't Cry! :D", making me laugh, and to go shopping with. Everyday I have something new to do; assignments and homework. Coming home, where I actually have a family that loves me, and pets that miss me through out the whole day. Then I know, I have something to look forward every single day and that I'm worthy to my friends and I love you all to bits. Thank you :)

I used to feel beautiful. I used to have that glow. That shine. The glow and shine that represent and show that shes in love. So in love and to be loved. By you. & you only...
but anymore.

Follow me on Twitter!

ASHNIELLE

Cause I've dried my eyes,
& I've realised,
I deserve somebody that will treat me right.
That drama I don't want it anymore.

Vendetta

2009-08-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

Revenge can never turn back to love.
All your intentions are all about revenge.
Love to revenge. Revenge to hate.
I see your true colours.

No, happily never after
That just ain't for me because finally
I know I deserve better after all
I'll never let another teardrop falls.
- Pussycat Dolls - Happily Never After.

Starstruck

2009-08-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hello! :D

Was working afternoon shift with Najip on Saturday. As I spunned around, I saw Joey G. Ahhh
:D. He is so effing hot. Seriously. Hotter on television on Channel V. Heehee.
Went to Bazaar with Lisza today. Buka puasa with her, aunty and kakak. Well, I had fun. Hee. Bumped into Syasya. As cute and adorable as ever! :)
And I'm having holidays for a week. time for assignments. Sigh.

ps: Losing hope. Losing feel. Then everything will start to fall.

Gotta jet.

Gone With The Wind

2009-08-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Sugar, spice & everything nice, cupid, fairytales, unicorns and a sunny smiling sun does not exist. Not in reality nor imagination.

I thought that if I could finally say it that everything would change but he’s jut as selfish and soulless as ever. - Blair Waldorf

Back On Track

2009-08-18T10:18:00.000-07:00

Heyho! :D

So, my pay was out. Heehee. Pampered myself a little. Bought this cute leopard printing mix maxi dress from Forever21. Its chiffon, by the way. The colour wouldn't fade, you see. And this pair of RM20 flip-flops I bought from some booth in Pyramid. Its brown and slightly wedgey. Pretty-pretty. Finally got myself a grey tights from MNG. I bought a bag from Charles & Keith for mom. One of the new arrivals. Its a gift from me to her. Glad she loves it. Didn't like the shoes from Charles & Keith. Too uncomfortable and the sole itself is hard.

Before I go, I just want to wish Yasmeen, Happy sexy 17th Birthday, love! Have yourself a great one. And your present is with me! :D

Next post, about Lisza's sleepover and 2 years anniversary with boyf.

A: I want to work this out. Do you want to?
E: Up to you
A: Just yes or a no
E: Yes, I want to.
I appreciate it alot. Thanks for compromising. Thank you for being the oldself. Thank you. :)

I see through you; You're A Liar

2009-08-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

Awake. Finally I opened my eyes. You're always calling me a "fucking cheater", or "fucking unloyal". Practically, I get all these from you every single day. I tend to drown myself in tears, thinking "where did I go wrong? What did I do till I deserve this?" I kept telling my friends, perhaps I'm too hard on you, pressuring you.

And one day, I found out. You've been fucking with my feelings and emotions. Using my feelings to cover your not sorry ass. You've been flirting with your so-called pet sister who used to have a huge crush on you? You think I wouldn't find out?

A gentle reminder, I'm not dumb nor stupid. Why do I say that?

Firstly, you have another pet-sister. Who apparently was/is her bestfriend. She send you a hello-how-are-you comment. You refuse to reply. Why? Because shes not up to your standard? Unlike your the other so-called pet sister, who apparently is a fucking hot chiq? Whom you replied and use your charming words? Come on.

If you're calling me a "fucking cheater", you yourself is worse than that. I've given up so much for you. So much. You refuse to go parties with me. You refuse to meet my friends. But you always demand and expect me to go YOUR parties and cut my life from YOUR friends. So I wouldn't dig out your guilty-not-sorry stories?

I had enough. I'm sorry if this is harsh, but you deserve it. Label me all you want. I'm sorry. Because from now, I can only be your friend. Why am I considered a "fucking cheater", even if I'm wearing high waisted shorts, flowery-summerish-skirts, jumpsuits, tights and spegetthi? WHILE, you're BUSY replying her comments. But never once you replied mine.

A gentle reminder, doing this wouldn't hurt you. You're not broken, but I am. This wouldn't hurt you but make you angry. Because all these while, you've never love me. But you're using me. And its done. I had enough.

I wish you the best and everything. Both of you are meant to be with each other. Take care.

Yas, thanks for listening to my rantings on the phone. I love you, hun.

Lisza, thanks for accompanying me all the time. Bringing me out to clear my mind, calling me to check on me and defending for me. Thank you for being a really really good friend. I love you to bits, munkey!

Shinz, thanks for listening to me and making me laugh. Thanks for being there when I'm crying. Thank you so so much. I'm finally awake. Thank you. :)

Mandy, thanks for making me laugh with your sarcastic-hilarious joke. I love you too, hun. :)

It Is Never That Easy.

2009-08-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. in fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most

She fell in, fell out, & it doesn't matter anymore, because the person you had to catch you at the bottom is no longer there, he is off doing other stuff, & their promise becomes a kind of lie, & lying is the worst, isn't it? But how he acts, & what he says, & what he does, & who he is, they don't line up anymore, & the lie is in that not lining up, the lie is in not being what she needs but pretending that he is. No one says a word, & she sees it in every minute they have together.
- Scrambled Eggs At Midnight by Brad Barkley & Heather Hepler

And It Seems Everlasting.

2009-08-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

At the very end, everything came to an end. Its all over. Why does good things always comes to an end? I will definitely be the one, lingering on. I know I will be the failure. The one that ends up in the loser-list. I know I will be the one, that couldn't move on.

You'll always be a part of me. I hope you're happy and having fun. As long as you're happy, I will. I will never forget back in those days when you were so so so in love with me. You would do ANYTHING just to see me smile and laugh. You would do ANYTHING just to fix this relationship. You hated to see me cry and getting hurt. No matter what I did, you will still hug me and told me not to cry and that you'll always be there for me. Once, you told me, "If a man truly loves a girl. If he is in love with a girl, he would NEVER stop bothering and disturbing her. He would call and text her 24/7. But, if a man doesn't really care or disturb the girl after they broke up, it truly means he is no longer interested in her." . Our first break up, you didn't chase me back. You didn't do your best. This time is our second break up, its still the same. I guess I should open up my eyes and really look at things. The fact is, you're no longer interested.

I know I'm not the best. Neither am I perfect. But, the say imperfections are the most beautiful thing in love. I guess not.

I know I know, I'm pathetic. Listening to all the break-up songs, writing all these break-up post. Like it will make me feel better. No. It actually satiesfied my craves and it actually hurts me. I'm crying right now. I feel dumb, used, useless, lifeless and well, DUMB.
I don't regret being with you. Perhaps, some day we'll get back together. I don't know.
All I know is, it takes more than ONE message and FIVE calls to prove to a girl that you truly loves her. If thats the BEST you can do, then, I understand, I'm not your book. I'm just a chapter.

Here am I, being so pathetic, refusing to go out, refusing to meet new people and see new things. But getting all sappy and depress infront of the computer. But I know, I will stand up again. I will find the old me, just not exactly the old me.

I wish you the best in life, Teuku Emiraldi. I pray and hope, you can find a girl that can satiesfied and tolerate and understand you. A girl that is NOTHING like me. But, I want you to remember ONE thing.. NO other girl can and will love you, like how I love you. Thats all.

Tuning into -
Leona Lewis - Better In Time
David Cook - Always Be My Baby
Taylor Swift - Love Story
Rihanna ft Ne-yo - Hate That I Love You
Colbie Caillat - The Little Things
Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
David Archuleta - A Little Not Over You
Teddy Geiger - Air Dry
Lindsay Lohan - Over
Elliott Yamin - Wait For You
Katy Perry - Thinking Of You
Paula DeAnda - When It Was Me

I know, pathethic much? I know I can't move on. Its difficult. Its so difficult..

Thanks Yasmin, for being there for me. Love you.

I hide all the damage thats done.

2009-08-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not emotional. I'm just being rather dissapointed and hurt. Its just the things you do and say makes me wonder. Wonder if you're seeing another behind my back. Your night time is getting busier and busier. You never really had any time for me. You're always putting blames on me and my schedule. But, what is a girl suppose to do, when she has ALL her time for you, and you just throw it all away and not even looking back..

You called me selfish and being not understanding. But, don't you know, in a relationship, both partners can be slightly selfish towards each other? You always have your dinner with your friends. You always promised to call me later. But you never did. I'm pretty sure you never intend to. You always end my calls, not responding my messages, hung up on me whenever you heard something you dislike or whenever you feel like it, you stab me and step on me whenever I'm down and needed your shoulder to cry on, you left me stranded not knowing what to do next and later, but just waiting for you, you always get your way nowadays, you never apologize for the things you did that hurt me, you hung up on me even though I'm crying, you tell me on my face "You're one of the MOST vunerable, selfish. not understanding, unloyal, problematic girlfriend I've ever had in my life!". Yet, you never apologize for that. You're not afraid that I'll leave, because you know I'll always come back. And you can dominate and control me whenever you like..

At times, being hard and cold to you is really difficult. I always have to TRY to do so, but in the very end, it fails. But not you. You can do it so easily, with the snap of your fingers. Being harsh on you, somehow makes me much more nicer to me. Then slowly, my thoughts will change, and I will be nicer and nicer and treats you way better. Then, there is the time, when you yell at me, ignored me, forgotten about the calls you were suppose to make, forgotten to wake up and come early for our date, raise your voice at me, being harsh and mean to me on the phone, asking me questions that hurt me so much. And thats the time, I wonder, if you're interested in another, or you're ACTUALLY seeing another, or you're no longer interested in our love field.

Your actions tells me so. But you wouldn't let me go.

You kept doing the same thing, again and again. Hurting me . Making me cry. Hanging up on me.

I don't know how to make you realize. To make you SEE how I'm hurting with your actions and words. How we're actually falling apart and drifting away..

One day, when I really couldn't take it anymore, I WOULD leave. I wouldn't say I WILL. But, I WOULD leave. I'm unhappy. I'm not feeling your love. Instead, I'm feeling lonely, unwanted, not needed and unloved. I'm lost. I NEED to find myself. I need get back up and focus on my goals. But no. I'm dissapointed in myself. I cried most of the nights, I have eye-bags. I always lay in bed, thinking on how to fix this relationship. A relationship that you don't seem to bother and care. I should be doing my assignments. I should be focusing on my studies and exams. But no, I tend to drift away. I'm falling in to pieces. No, I'm not being melodramatic. This is how exactly I'm feeling. Even during work, I drift away. Thinking about those times when everything is so perfect like how it used to be. But, not anymore. I'm not being myself anymore.

I'm mostly alone in college after class. Going to the Media Hub to get my notes, off to another block to get my notes stapled and punch-holed in the library, off to another block to get my drinks refill. Back to the Media Hub to online and waste my time. Then take the train and bus and walked home.

I'm always lying to my mom, that I have fun and I'm happy. I have lots of friends to hang out with. But no. I'm not. I'm not feeling like myself. I back off from crowded places. I stopped going to events and parties. I'm usually with one girl or two, or I'm mostly alone. I just hate myself. Hate how I've become!

And you were barely there for me anymore. You don't understand me. You never bother about me..

I hate how everything has become. Life IS a roller-coaster..

Come On.

2009-08-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

10 WAYS TO DESTROY ANY RELATIONSHIP THAT MATTERS TO YOU

1. BE ABUSIVE

It's truly amazing how many people think it's o.k. to abuse other people, especially those they care about most.

I'm not just talking about extreme physical or emotional abuse. I'm also including milder forms of abuse, such as daily put-downs, sarcastic remarks, other negative comments, withholding affection, refusing to talk, threatening to leave, etc.

Many people repeatedly engage in these subtle forms of abuse. Married couples especially tend to act as if their marriage license gives them the absolute right to verbally or otherwise abuse each other.

2. BE DEFENSIVE

Did you know that married people who repeatedly become defensive when challenged or criticized by their partner have much higher rates of unhappiness and divorce.

Being defensive is not only destructive--it shuts you off from an extremely valuable source of feedback. In order to succeed in our interpersonal relationships, we've got to be willing to admit when we are wrong. The only problem is we are not usually in good position to recognize when we are wrong.

Our partners, however, are usually in excellent position to recognize when we are wrong. They are also usually more than happy to point this out to us, in the hope that we will make corrections.

If you routinely shut out this valuable source of feedback, by always seeking to defend your actions or point of view, you will damage your relationships by not letting others contribute to you. You will continue to commit the same mistakes, over and over again, until the other person gets tired of this...and you as well.

The secret to dealing with criticism from others is not to reject it or act defensively. The secret is to listen intently to everything the other person is saying about you, and then try to find one or more things you can agree with! Don't automatically try to defend yourself or prove you are right. Instead, work very hard to validate, rather than reject, at least some of what the other person is saying.

Ben Franklin said, "The sting of another's criticism usually comes from the truth in it." If you want to have happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships, look for these "truths" and be willing to admit them.

3. BE CRITICAL

While occasional criticism and constructive feedback is healthy in our relationships, too much of either can be very damaging. If you are constantly complaining or pointing out flaws in your partner's behavior, this can become annoying and unattractive.

Often, people will persist in being critical of their partners because they truly believe they are just trying to help them. However, there are usually deeper, more sinister, motives at work. Many people simply want to fix, change, or control other people. They want to make them over to fit their own image or change their behavior to comply with their own standards. While this is a very common and understandable human tendency, it is another key pattern that is destructive in our relationships.

Another common mistake people make is to store up their critical judgments, instead of voicing them openly. They keep finding fault with people they are related to, yet they don't let the other person know this directly. Then, they either "explode" with criticism over some minor event, or they turn off their affection and the relationship slowly dies.

A woman who recently consulted me for help with marital difficulties told me that her husband had suddenly announced that he wanted a divorce.

When she tearfully asked him why, after all these years, he suddenly felt this way, he responded by saying, "I've never been happy living with you. I felt trapped and miserable right from the start." When he finally got around to telling her his feelings, too much damage had already been done.

4. BE RIGHT MOST OF THE TIME

Perhaps the single biggest mistake you can make if you want to have good relationships with others is to always try to be right in your dealings with others. Why is this so destructive? Because in order for you to be right, the other person must end up being wrong.

Most people dislike having others make them feel wrong. They will resent you for this, and even if you win the argument or get your way, you'll pay a price later on.

Here's a quote from Ogden Nash (reprinted from the June 1994 issue of Readers Digest, p.130) that states this point very well:

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up!

5. BE SELFISH

In addition to being right, another good way to destroy your relationships is to always be selfish and try to get your own way. Think only about your own wants, needs, and desires. Put your concerns first and consider others' needs much less important.

6. BE DISHONEST

Another great way to destroy your relationships is to be dishonest. Tell little "white lies" from time to time. Pretend everything is just "fine" when you are really feeling angry or upset. Say you're fully committed to another, when in fact you have some doubts.

Whatever the issue might be, it rarely works to be dishonest in your relationships. Even if your dishonesty is never found out, you will know about it. You will also know that it damages your relationship. When you are dishonest, you know intuitively that your relationship will be less likely to succeed. As a consequence, you won't fully invest yourself, and this also will help it to fail.

7. BE UNFAITHFUL

Forget the vows and promises you made to each other. Go behind your partner's back and do something you know they wouldn't appreciate. Justify your behavior by saying "those promises were made in the past. Things are different now."

I'm not talking only about sexual infidelity. Unfortunately, many let their relationships deteriorate so far, they convince themselves such behavior is justified.

Make no mistake about it. Violating one of the sacred agreements of your relationship, whether or not that agreement was openly stated or just plain understood, is a sure-fire way to kill a troubled union. If your relationship wasn't dead before you decided to commit such an unfaithful act, it probably will be.

8. BE SUPERIOR

If you want to destroy any type of relationship, be sure to think of yourself as smarter, prettier, cooler, hipper, or more worthwhile than other people. Make it your habit to put other people down in order to feel good about yourself. Always strive to win any competition, and never give anyone an even break.

This an excellent way to get other people to dislike you. It also shows that you aren't really smart at all. In truth, no human being is more special or superior than anyone else. Sure some people develop superior skills or exceptional talents. But they are no more or less lovable, no more or less worthy, than anyone else. If you've somehow convinced yourself that the previous statement isn't true, you'd better reconsider.

9. BE CONTROLLING

Keep very close tabs on your partner at all times. This way, you can prevent him or her from changing, growing, or maybe even deciding to leave you at a later date.

Always try to get other people to think and feel exactly as you do. Try to intimidate them, dominate them, and keep them from behaving in ways you don't approve.

Make them fearful of crossing you or offending you by always responding with hostility and rage. This is an excellent way to bring romantic relationships to an end.

It's also a very good way to end up living alone.

10. BE CERTAIN

Whatever else you do, always remain certain that whatever you think, feel, or believe--about relationships, your partner, life in general, etc.--is true. Never let doubt or contradictory evidence creep in. Never ask for guidance or support from others. And above all else, never admit any shortcomings that might make you appear weak or stupid.

Always appear to know exactly what you are doing, even when you don't have a clue. This will insure you never learn anything new or useful. It will also guarantee that people who love you will get totally frustrated in their efforts to help you succeed and be happy.

PLEASE APPRECIATE ALL TEN STEPS
Each of us commits these ten mistakes from time to time. This is why you should familiarize yourself with all ten and regularly keep them in mind. As simple and obvious as many of these mistakes appear, we often don't recognize them when they are controlling our behavior.

These are not the only ways you can destroy your interpersonal relationships. There are other habits which are equally destructive. If you remember these ten patterns, however, you'll be way ahead of most other people.

It is important to acknowledge that all of the patterns discussed in this report have positive as well as negative aspects. For example, being right and being in control are often necessary to succeed in our jobs or professions. A doctor, for instance, must try to be right all the time. Doctors must also take control in certain situations and act in ways that reflect their superior knowledge and experience. But if a doctor takes those same patterns home and tries to use them to dominate his or her spouse or kids, serious relationship problems will usually occur.

Also, many patterns that are destructive to our relationships are actually valued and endorsed by our society! Television programs (especially soap operas), movies, advertisements, and other subtle forces encourage us to act in counterproductive ways. Your best friends and family members are also susceptible to these same societal forces, so their "helpful" advice can be questionable as well. So be prepared for lots of bad or misguided information about relationships to come your way. To succeed in your relationships, you'll need to disregard much of this incorrect input and challenge many of the popular notions that don't really do people very much good.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

PURPOSE

Create a purpose for your relationship that can empower both you and your partner throughout a lifetime. This purpose should be bigger than just having your relationship succeed. It should also be bigger than having fun, having a good time, having a family, or reaching any other well-defined goal.

Examples of purposes that can last a lifetime and keep your relationship fresh and exciting are: contributing to the health and well-being of everyone around you; con- tributing to other people's financial success; contributing to ending hunger on the planet; contributing to ending stress in people's lives; solving the problems of crime, abuse, or poverty in the world, etc.

Oprah Winfrey, the successful T.V. talk show host, recently took on a new purpose for her life. She committed herself to doing what she can to end child abuse in the world. Since then, her T.V. show has become even better! In addition, her primary relationship with the man in her life now has a focus much bigger than just the two of them.

Any purpose that turns you on and energizes you will work. Just make sure both you and your partner are excited about it and that you plan to dedicate your relationship to it. This won't make all those little hassles, disappointments, and petty disagreements of married life magically disappear. It will, however, make them seem inconsequential!

CLARIFY AGREEMENTS, EXPECTATIONS, VALUES, ROLES, ETC.

It's very important for you and your partner to always clarify (that means communicate with each other openly and honestly) important agreements, expectations, values, roles, feelings, attitudes, beliefs, passions, etc. Failing to do this is a major cause of "stress."

Don't assume that you know your partner's thoughts, feelings, or desires. Don't assume he or she understands yours either. Always spell things out so there are no misunderstandings.

YOUR PARTNER ISN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS

Never expect your partner to bring you happiness. He or she will have enough trouble managing their own life. They won't be able to take responsibility for yours as well.

Besides, the truth about human beings is that we all have the power to make ourselves happy any time we want. We don't need other people to provide this for us. It's actually much easier and more dependable to learn how to create happiness on your own. Then, whatever happiness your partner does contribute to your life, you'll accept this as a bonus. (And if they don't contribute much, you won't feel cheated.)

TRUST

While trust is necessary for the success of your relationship, don't be naive or stupid about granting it. Make sure your partner is worthy of your trust, and call them to task for any major or minor violations. Organize your own life and behavior so as to always deserve your partner's faith and trust as well. You must establish and protect mutual trust in your relationship. Without this key ingredient, your relationship will likely fail.

SUPPORT

Make your marriage about supporting and nurturing your partner. This often becomes contagious. But even if there is little reciprocation, you can still derive pleasure from serving another person, provided you do so of your own free will.

GIVING IN

Don't be eager to have your own way if you want to have a long and happy marriage. Make it your goal to give in more than 50% of the time, and take pleasure in letting your partner have his or her way as often as you can.

AGREE WITH YOUR PARTNER'S CRITICISMS AND COMPLAINTS

While you might think you are innocent, your partner wouldn't be criticizing you unless you have done something, either real or imagined, to deserve it. Whatever the case, don't dismiss your partner's feelings. Find some way to agree with their point of view, for much of the time they will have a legitimate beef.

VALUE EACH OTHER

Perhaps the best advice we can give you about saving your marriage is to always value yourself and your partner. Never focus on the negatives about each other. Always emphasize the positives and force yourself to reflect upon them frequently. (The negatives tend to stand out all by themselves!)

In addition to valuing your own worth and the worth of your partner, learn to value the differences between you. Each of you probably has differing needs for intimacy, for communication, for expressing emotions, for time spent alone, etc. You also probably have different strengths, beliefs, preferences, past histories, and patterns of dealing with success and adversity.

Learn to value these differences rather than criticize each other for having them. Don't assume that your way of doing things, your point of view, or your past experiences are any more "right" or "valid" than your partner's. Each of you is a separate, distinct, and different human being. And each of you has a right to be who you are, and be loved and accepted just that way.

Another part of valuing each other is refusing to blame or criticize each other when things don't go a you wish. All people make mistakes, including your partner. Again, focus on what's "good" and "right" about your partner, rather than anything you might view as "bad" or "wrong."

Also, resist saying anything negative or critical about your partner in public, even to your best friends! You might be strongly tempted to do this, but it only devalues your relationship. Even if we're upset or down on each other at the moment, we don't reinforce our negative feelings by communicating them to others.

Often, what happens when you violate this rule is that other people agree with your negative assessments and add more of their own. They encourage you to think even more negatively about your partner, which is the opposite of what you truly need to do.

NOTE: You might think that by "getting things off your chest" by talking with friends you will feel much better. In the short run, this may be true. But in the long run, it will probably hurt your relationship.

SEEK TO PLEASE AND PLEASURE EACH OTHER

Consider your marriage license a license to please and pleasure your partner. After all, you are in the best position to know what they like and provide it for them. You also have exclusive access to their inner thoughts, desires, and secret fantasies. So take full advantage of this special position you occupy. Take pride in pleasing your partner and adding pleasure to his or her life. Whether or not they reciprocate in kind--which will be hard for them to resist--your life will be much richer.

SPECIAL ADVICE FOR MEN: HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN

This advice is for the benefit of any men who might be reading this report. MEN: Take everything you know about succeeding in your relationships with women and throw it away. It probably won't do you any good.

The smartest thing any man can do is to realize that women--just about all women--are much more knowledgeable about how to succeed in relationships than we will ever be. If you really want to succeed in your relationships with women, you'd be very wise to let them take the lead.

Listen very closely whenever they start telling you things you are doing, or not doing, that they consider wrong. Most of the time your ideas WILL BE WRONG, so if you empower your female partner to lead you as if you were blind you will have much greater odds of succeeding in the long run.

SPECIAL ADVICE FOR WOMEN: HOW TO SUCCEED WITH MEN

WOMEN: Here's some special advice just for you about how to succeed in your relationships with men. Read the previous section and then realize that the success of your relationships with men will be LARGELY UP TO YOU!

We men have not been trained to succeed in our interpersonal relationships. In fact, we've been conditioned and programmed to be total and miserable failures.

We need your help, whether we know it or not. You must take the leadership role and make your man realize why this makes sense. You must also take the time and effort to train your man how to do things right. Of course the job will be easier if you pick a man who understands this from the outset, but even if you have not been very selective, you can train almost any man to appreciate and value what you have to bring to the partnership.

Yes, I know this is another unfair and unequal distribution of responsibility. But it's the way relationships work, and if you try to disown the job, or share it equally with your man, your relationship will probably suffer.

By Morton C. Orman, M.D. Copyright © 1995-2002 M.C. Orman, MD, FLP
http://www.stresscure.com/relation/succeed.html

Things look so simple in words. Then, how come we, humans couldn't do it? Why must we chose the other path; hurting your partners just to get your own satisfaction. When we know deep down inside, thats the wrong path? Why are we so complicated?

And You. You know who you are. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO READ IT. And understand the key of this passage..

This is the only thing I can do to make you realize. If this doesn't work, I will be speechless and then this relationship will likely to end. Because really, none of us is happy anymore.. :(

Nothing Can Keep Us Together.

2009-08-03T04:32:00.000-07:00

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I'll show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

Pieces don't fit here anymore.

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore,

James Morrison.

Fool Me Twice

2009-07-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

Heey :D

I'm currently at the college media hub. Having my break. I'm trying so so hard to upload my photos here, but fail. Gees. The boyf woke up late for class.. again. Hmm

I'm actually talking to my parents about getting a loan to furthur my studies in Australia. Trying to convince baby to come along. Oh well, still long way to go.

More updates soon. Since, I guess I'm going to resign. I'm going to miss working, especially the pay. Sigh.

And oooh, saw a rabbit selling in Carrefour. Been convincing the boyf to get one for me. Its call, something something Wolly? Couldn't remember. Real adorable. It looks like a tiny little puppy. Pleaaaaase, babyyy? With sugar icing on top

You

2009-07-21T09:48:00.000-07:00

[EDIT]

I'm bored. Work tomorrow in the afternoon. New stock is on every Wednesday! :D
Sales is coming soon. Also staff sale. Just around the corner, I suppose? Heee. Supermodel Najip is bringing me there. Told mom. Most probably I'm SKIPPING college. Teeheee.

Can anyone tell me where to get a simple black high waisted shorts at an affordable price? Pretty please?
And whos going for JUICE's party at MOS on 31st July?
Perhaps, I'll see you guys there! ;)

O-M-G Moments

2009-07-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hey!

Apologies for the M-I-A. :o . Also, sorry for no pictures. Hmph. Stupid bluetooth connection is currently not working. And oooooh, I'm officially LEGAL, bebeh.
Went to celebrate with the boyfie. I guess I prefer casual celebrations than planned. Went around shopping. Baby got me the flowery jumpsuit from Miss Selfridge. Reserved and transferred all the way from One Utama. A cute white ribbon hairband than I chose from Diva and a cute flowery highwaisted skirt from Forever. Heeheeee. Thank you baby! He might be getting me a pair of lovelies from Aldo or perhaps Charles and Keith. Then we had dinner at Pasta de Gohan. Mhmmm.

Spent too much money this month. Seriously. Geeeeees! Bought 2 bags from Charles and Keith. Pictures will be uploaded. No worries :D. Got my salary few days ago. Yippeeee.

And I'm STILL working. Haha.

Okay, this is just a short update. I'm sorry readers :(.
Promise I'll update MORE and LESS emo post! ;)

pps: Yasmeen is BACK from London to Malaysia! :D :D
ppps: Racheal, lets hangout!
pppps: Lexie and Lisza, I miss you :(

Big Girls Don't Cry

2009-06-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

I wish things were as normal as back then. Sigh. We were both so happy and enjoying each others company. But now, everything is the opposite. I don't know what went wrong.. My only hope and wish is, things will return like how it used to be.
When one party doesn't bother, things will slowly fall. And both of us are watching it fall.
I'm still waiting for the sms. I'm still waiting for the call. I waited for you, SEVEN hours. And you told me, there wasn't any break YET. I guess thats how you lied just so you can ignore and avoide me for a little while. I guess you pretended not to see me, standing near the escalator, right beside the escalator where you came up today, and just walk past me. While I stood there for quite long.
I guess we're no longer playing in the same field anymore. Perhaps, I should just be like you. Sit still, couldn't be bother and go with the flow. Perhaps, I should take a step back, just like you. And spare you as many space as you need. You're no longer caring and clingy like how you used to be. Perhaps, I should just be like that.
Yes, I'm filled with anger. Anger that consist of sadness. I don't know what to do. Perhaps, I should just keep doing what I'm doing; working at Miss Selfridge. Going out alone more to shop and give myself some space.
You don't have to ignore and avoide me by doing all those. Really. :(. Because, I'm taking a step back. And by that means, it doesn't mean im breaking up. Nothing like that. Neither am I going out with someone else. I'm just taking a step back, doing things I want to do, without involving any males and I don't want to cause any misunderstanding feelings between me and other males. I'm not interested in anyone except my boyfriend. I'm just taking a step back, doing things I want and love to do, understand myself more, spend more time with my friends and family, going shopping alone and spend more time with my girls.
So really. You don't have to do any of what you're doing right now, just to ignore and avoide me. I'm taking a step back. Don't worry. If it falls, I'll try my very best to mend it. Just remember, one person couldn't row a big boat. It's always nicer to have 2 people to row it. But, even if I tried to mend it, and you couldn't or chose not to see or accept that I'm mending, then thats okay. If you want this to end, I'll respect ur decision and will still be loving you.

Leopard Printing?

2009-06-18T10:59:00.001-07:00

Hello?

O-m-g. I'm so sorry I ditched my blog for ages! :( . Been pretty busy and tired. Working 6 days a week. While waiting for my second semester. Guess what? I've did quite good in my exam. No repeating course for me. Working at Miss Selfridge has its ups and downs. But so far, its really nice to work with them. I kind of enjoy it.
Getting my 30% off when I want to buy something from Topshop, Dorothy Perkins or Miss Selfridge. Heehee. Fashiooooon, baby. I don't know why, but I'm loving my leopard top from MNG. Topshop has a shoe in the similar leopard print! Go see go see :D
Boyf will be working at the cinema in Pyramid tomorrow. Yeahhhhh. Love you baby. Even if you don't really love me that much, thats fine.
Okay, colour-blocking is the current in-trend right now. So is gladiator fringe sandals. Currently, waiting for my salary. I already have a list of things i NEED to buy.

And Lisza Pisza, its been really great and fun, hanging out and talking to you like how we used to. I really appreciate you and this friendship. You will always have a friend in me. Love you munkey! ;)

ps: Thanks to those friends that came all the way to visit me, and had lunch with me :D
pps: Also, thank you boyf for coming over at times to spend some time with me. Appreciate much.
Even how mess up our relationship is, I'm not that heartless, bebehh.
ppps: And, Denise, even though we're not that close anymore, but I wish you the best with Nayim. I'm very sure you both can work things out. :) Cheer up, alright!
pppps: YASMEEN LILLAH MIR, i misss you so damn F much. Come back from Africa already! ;p

And That, I Swear.

2009-05-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hey loves.
Okay, back to normal fonts. Just for a change.
I'm going to work tomorrow. At Pyramid, Miss Selfridge. :D
Come stalk me all you want. But, don't bring cameras. I shyshy la. Heeee
Anyway, this would be my first time working.
I'm sad that, I don't have a special someone to share all these with anymore.
I'm sorry for the previous post. As, I've edited the post already.
I swear, I have no intention of hurting you or anyone else. I'm truly sorry.
For those who have read it, please please, just forget it.
For those who haven't read it, its alright. Nothing important.
For all I know, people give up easily. Theres no such thing as " I'll fight for love ".
Gotta jet. I need my beauty sleep.

ps: Life in 2009, has been a roller-coaster ride.

This Is A Song Of A Heartbreak

2009-05-31T04:39:00.000-07:00

[edit]

pps: Thank you, KP and Yi Yang. for cheering up and making jokes. Thank you Wayne and Billy for trying to make me laugh. Especially Wayne

pps: Mostly, thank you Mandy for protecting and defending for me. Spending time with me and cheering me up. Also, Lisza, for cheering me up and talk to me. Love you both :)

ppps: Your sms were clearly stated that, you gave up on everything. At least you were clear on this :'). Love you always too. I've always love you. No matter what. Take care too.

I can do this, on my own.
xo

tuning into: Miley Cyrus - The Climb

Cuppas, anyone?

2009-05-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

"No matter what happened in the past, in the end, I'll be there for you, babe" ;)

Hey world.
Had a blast yesterday. LiszaPisza came over to my place for sleepover and to bake cupcakes :D. Lisza drove here. Beware, okay? ;p

Ashley: Lisza's connering
Lisza: Shut up shut up

Wanna see our cupcakes?

This is our first time, making the colour icing.
It's cute, no? Tehee.

Its never too old to do some colouring. ;p.
Then, we went up to my room, for some chat and gossip. Pisza and I went to Myspace, Facebook and blogs to stalk people. Heehee. So, random kan?
We were checking out hotties on Myspace. And lisza was drooling over a certain "fatty". Haha.
Then we decided to go out for a drink. Went to Starbucks, get our drinks and went to McD for fries :D. Then to bistro for sate.

Shes promoting Starbucks and Mcdonald ;p.
We used to hang out at Mcdonald, Taipan alot. Because our tuition is right beside Mcdonald. At one point, this place means alot to me. I have alot of good and bad memories in Mcdonald. I love Mcdonalds :p
What to do?

Lisza, lets do the penyu-smile ;p.

We went home around 12.30-ish. Ate a little and went to bed.
Had pillow talking till 5 in the morning. Heeheeee.

You've always been a great company & a great friend ;)
Love you, babe!

Hangover

2009-05-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

"I'm letting go.
You're free to fly now."

& to be honest, what affair? ;(
I'm done and tired of being accused for things I didn't do

ps: I don't want any comments about this on my tagboard neither face-to-face. Thanks ;(

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]

See you got me all alone
Waiting right here by the phone
For you to call me,
Just to hear
Your voice tone
I keep on wondering if you was even
Feeling me, I keep on wondering if
This was even meant to be
Tell me imma waste of time, boy
You showing me no sign, is it cause you on
Ya grind, cause you're always on my mind

I keep on wondering if everything you said was true
I keep on wondering if you were really coming through

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much
Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]

I'm out with my girls tryna have a good time
And you know I'm looking fly tryna meet sum other guys
But it gets hard sometimes cause there ain't no one just like you
I try my best but I can't shake this thing u got me going through

All I can picture is the color of your eyes, and the way u make me smile
I ain't felt this in a while,
But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion
Chaos and confusion but I'm not gonna let it ruin

The way I feel about myself cause I got self-esteem, sometimes I
Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

The way I feel about myself cause I got self-esteem, sometimes I
Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]

[Baby Bash]
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha

Ronnie Ray all day
Women in the hall way, Ev day losing track of the people tryna call me
Don't take this the wrong way, I been having long days, doing it, moving
Round the town wherever I'm getting my song played

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much [too much]
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to

Baby am I doing too much [too much]

Pretty Little Petty Things

2009-05-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

It is 4:36 am right now. I was lying down flat on my back, on my bed. Thinking and keep thinking. Recalling those memories that were once sweet and worthy to think of again and again makes me smile. It NEVER fail to put a smile on my face. As recalling those memories step by step, it came to an end. Full-stop. Good memories are gone. Here comes the new and raw lifestyle. See how 'raw', when you read it the other way round is 'war'. Hah.

Everything changes. Environment, people, places, weather, opinions, thoughts. EVERYTHING seems so different. Each day seems different now. Compare, back in those times, where I was in still my high school, long flocks tied in a rubber band into a pony tail, in my white and blue pinafore, with the heavy pink and grey backpack; full of books for that particular day. Things were still the same. Wake up, to school, back from school, homework, extra revisions, tuitions, meet up with friends, back home, watch the telly and off to bed and the same old cycle of routine AGAIN.

But now, unexpected things comes up each day. I don't plan them. Anyway, I'm off the hook.. Haha.

I miss those days. I miss my friends. My crazy classmates. My highschool year. My lifestyle back then. My teachers. The recess period seems so nice hanging out with Syazwani, gossiping, sharing our food with each other and talking about almost everything. Our Addmaths class, where I LOVE to sit next to you. Even in class, we would sit next to each other, do our work and still talk and talk. How I miss you when you're absent, & how you miss me when you're absent. Hey bestfriend, I really really miss you. :'). & also Syazwana and Lizzie!

I miss how crazy my classmates and schoolmates were. Everything seems easier. I miss my funny tuitionmates. I love all of them. I miss how the boyf handles and treats me. Where everything was still fresh and young. Things were easier to handle

Writing this, cause tears flowing down. I knowww, dramatic. Hmph.
I really miss my lifestyle back then. Not that I hate my lifestyle now, but somehow, i wish my classmates would be there for me in class, with the usual jokers and jokes till my tummy hurts. I miss sneaking in my cellphone, texting the boyf while he was at work. Thinking back all these, makes me smile at the mean time, I cry

Thinking back again, I hope I could turn back times and correct those mistakes I've done. I hope you would appreciate me like how you used to. Love me like how you used to. Care for me, like how you used to. And I hope you would stop hurting me, like how you used to. Somehow I wonder, perhaps those people who mention about you, are right about you? That you're what they said, judged and labeled? Perhaps you're not? Perhaps you are and will always be, but its just that I'm too blind to not to care? Thats why they called it "love is blind". Perhaps, they're just jealous of you in every way? I don't know. Perhaps, I'm just thinking too much? Perhaps, I think TOO LITTLE, thats why? But, when will all these p-e-r-h-a-p-s questions will end? Sigh. I'm dying for that day ;(.

Conclusion: I miss those days. I really really do. I'm dreading to go back in time. If there is a time-machine. I swear, I'll save ALL my savings, without buying those outfits, shoes and such and start saving for the machine. But sadly, this is reality. SNAP back to reality. Enough of fairytales and fantasy la-la land.

Our Little Reunion.

2009-05-24T10:01:00.001-07:00

(Red tank top; Topshop, Black mid-waist shorts; Kitschen, Mary-jane pumps( I assumed? Haha), Bangles from Australia)

Hey ho! :D
Met up with my tuition-mates. It was all fun and laughters. Really miss them. As in REALLY REALLY miss them! :')

I miss this pretty munkey the most. We used to hangout. & I'm glad we hangout again. Love you, babe! We had so much fun, kan? :D

Some of them are missing. Daxmin and Faiz. :(
Miss all of you guys shitloads. Haha.
Can't wait for the next outing!

xo

Cause You & I, Collide.

2009-05-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hey lovelies! :)

Went to Bukit Bintang with the boyf 2 days ago. It was tiring, but fun. Heehee.
Boyf did lots of crazy things in Forever 21, Pavilion. Omg, I swear to god, if you were there, you'll be laughing like nuts. Haha. Even right now, I couldn't stop laughing. :p B, you're seriously a nutcase. Anyhoo, Forever 21 is having sales. The sale accesory items are not bad. Thought you girls would love to know :)

(Top from Dorothy Perkins, Snake-skin vintage bag, vintage elastic high-waisted skirt)

Yay, my hair grew longer already :D.
Anyway, we were at Diva, I was looking at some rings. So, I asked the boyf to give me his opinions. All the rings that I've chosen, he goes like "ew, like shit, "omg, the ring is huge. its like your finger is swollen." & so-on. I swear, I felt like killing him. :o. But he is indeed a good company. Couldn't stop making me fed up and laugh even though I was mad at him.

Haha, thats us as always. Doing stupid faces infront of the camera. Kn, babyyyy? :p.
Went to Topshop. Showed boyf the shoes and bags I want. He promised me, he'll get me things I like next month. Muahaha :D. Told him I want a pair from Charles And Keiths. It was one of our inside joke. Heehee.

Theres my eksos pipe scar. It looks sad. Sigh. Friggin ruin my legs.
There are so many pictures, but I'm too lazy. Hurmph. I'm a terrible blogger :(. Until next time. Goodnight!

The abs.. Yummy :P

The Blowout

2009-05-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.
Sorry about the previous post :(.
Wasn't being the usual me the other day. Just felt like blogging, and letting it all out, but thank god, I did not. Soo, yeahh..

There are some pictures. Not me, of course. But, yes I took it. Its really random. Because, IM random :S.

Promise to have more photos after tomorrow. Going to Bukit Bintang with the boyf. I'm like a Bukit Bintang freak now. Its my 3rd time there this week? Or was it 4th? Gees..

These are some photos I took this morning. Woke up at 7 in the morning, decided to go out for a walk and snap some random photos. I'm not a good in photographer. Neither am I good in taking photos. AT ALL. Nuh uh. But, I like it. Like I said, its random :)

Went to Low Yat the other day with the 'rents. Ooh, Got myself some goodies for my laptop. A cute laptop skin. Was looking for a leopard print or perhaps a zebra print laptop skin, but couldn't find it. So, I went for a cute, fresh yet colourful butterfly skin. Got myself a pink laptop bag and this cute usbport :D.

Thats the only colour they have :(
I would have go for YELLOW. Its so adorable. Heehee.
gotta jet. I need my beauty sleep for tomorrow ;)

ps: Love you, boyf.

Ticking Bomb

2009-05-15T09:27:00.001-07:00

Shit, I feel so fucking lifeless currently.
I mean, seriously. Spell me L-I-F-E-L-E-S-S, please.
Did i not mention, this is my rant blog? I think people like me; tantrums thrower and friggin dramatic person, should have a blog and rant all the asses we want. I know. Whatever
Today, sucks big time?

Suppose to go Bukit Bintang with someone. But? Fucking makes me piss. 2 days in a row, ALONE in Bukit Bintang. Tell me, how would you feel? & ohh, for your information, I'm not going to sit down, lie down or do anything to wait for any calls. What, 3 am call? 4 am? I'm so over that. You can call yourself or any other chiqs.

Not to worry, I will find my life back. I promise. 3 years ago, I have a life. Now its ALL gone. Thanks to someone. Har Har. I shall find my life back.

I'm going out. Screw the call. Since when you ever call me on time?! Pfft.

Goodnight.

ps: Don't find me, when you're bored, okay? I'm not your puppetdoll nor your entertainment machine.

Way Back Into Love

2009-05-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

[edit]

There are so many things I wished to say. But, those things will only hurt both of us if i said it out. There are so many things I wished to do and confront. But, how?

So, for the last time, Happy 1 year and 9 months.

ps: Please, dont send me any comments or any opinions about this. I don't want to discuss this issue in my tagboard or anywhere.
pps: The person I'm referring to, please don't bother to post anything on my tag. I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to be happy.

ppps: Guys, I'm going to Pavillion ALL on my own tomorrow :). Wish me luck. Just to clear off my mind being alone. Har Har.

Goodnight.

How to find myself back, when I already lost myself?
I'm trying so hard to search for it. But, where do I go? How do i go?

Filthy You.

2009-05-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

Heyy!
Seriously, this 2 months and a half semester break is not going me A-N-Y good. Because its boring. & I'm seriously bored :(.
Went to find some job, hope I'll get it. Heehee.
I'm going to Pavillion with mummy tomorrow. With the public transport; Ktm and Putra.
Hah, tell ME about it. I don't take it often to KL, but I do take Ktm and Putra to visit the boyf at Wangsa Maju, or we'll go together.
Its raining quite heavily. Thank GOD for the rain. The weather is such a killer nowadays. I don't feel quite well. Having some mild-fever.
Couldn't get through thr boyf's phone. All I know is, he is with one of his classmate, Alvin, studying at some McD, till the morning for their paper in a few more hours. I hope he is doing good and safe.

I miss you, beeboo :(.
At least we had fun on Monday. Damn, we need more pictures together. Its been awhile.
All the best for your exam, love.
You can do it. I know you can!
See you when you're back in Subang.

ps: Sher Ree, lets go shoppingggg. I miss talking to you. & also our sad-looking-spegetthi :p.

I don't go with yesterday no more.

2009-05-10T02:14:00.000-07:00

Goodbye, Tony.

Still he wasn't just some regular guy.
Tony is actually the other night.. why
I could have been in love by now,
if it wasn't for Tony.

shooes oh shoes.
I'll pour you ALL my love from the bottom of my heart.
For, you'll never hurt me.
For now, shoes, you're the one that i truly love.
You make me smile, satiesfied my craves and desires and make me proud. In addition, you look so yummehh.

"shoes are LIFE" - Ashley :)

Saw another pair of shoes from Marks & Spencer. Cutest wedges ever. :D. I'm having it, no matter what.

I'm leaving for now.

tuning into: Latoya Luckett - Not Anymore

Trustworthy

2009-05-05T10:22:00.000-07:00

I may sound absurd, but I'm not. I'm very very clear of what I'm doing and the decision I've made.

Nothing will be reveal here. Just some random basic stuffs.
Emi, you did a huge mistake in your life. & so did I back then.
But, you forgave me with all your heart. Apparently, things wont be that easy anymore, but I'll forgive you. No, I'm forgiving you. :)
The things I've done to you, my apologies. And, you did your apologies to me for the things you've done.

I know you well. The things we've been through, ups and downs; high and low. The things we've done for each other. & I know you're trying. So, I'm giving you a chance again, I'm giving you a room to change for the better, stand up and be yourself, live up to your priorities and be a BETTER man. Because I know you will, and thats because you know I will too. :)

To those who are concern, thank you so much for being there, letting me know the truth :). I really really want to thank you, because today, I'm a different girl already. I guess I'm much more brave and strong to handle things like that. I know you must be thinking, I'm foolish or stupid, but I know what I'm doing. I'm very clear with my decision. Apparently, I went ALL the way to KL with public transport on my own, I wasn't afraid. Not only that, I've changed. I'm definitely a different girl after today's incident. Nothing will be reveal. No names will be revealed except for Emiraldi's.

Emiraldi, I hope you'll value this chance. :(

I love you. Like I ALWAYS do.
xo

Nerdy meets Retro.

2009-05-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

Don't laugh. :p. Okayyyy?

Today's papers were okay. But still, I'm freaking out.
Was talking about headbands to Yasmeen. Somehow, I think its cute, exotic and in the meantime, slightly retro. SLIGHTLY.

Going to college tomorrow, to get some notes and I'm off to KL to meet the boyf. & we'll study together. I miss studying with him. Back then, he used to taught me Physics, a lil bit of Chemistry and Addmaths. At times, I would just slack off, looking like I'm about to sleep, he'll be so frustrated and start with a lil bit of his usual-lectures then he'll move his attention to the newspaper--sports collumn. Those were the days.

Gotta put a STOP to my spending for outfits, because Mother's Day is just around the corner. Any ideas on what to buy, people? Please, spare me some suggestions! I'm tired of getting her perfume, because daddy ALWAYS gets her perfume and she has like tons of perfumes, all over her dressing table. I was thinking, perhaps those cute chunky yet elegant jewelry this time. Oh, like those cute looking pearls at Forever 21. Or those sweet yet chunky like rings. Hmm.

Alright, back to studies. It's 3:06 a.m. Ohgoddd.
xo

Tres Fabulous

2009-05-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

Heyy there.

Lets play with fonts, shall we? I'm feeling kind of weird right now, because I don't really use this font. No, actually, I've never even use this font before. Hah

Went to Sungei Wang yesterday. Oh my, lots of goodies on sale. Got myself another checker boyf-tee, but this time its turqoise in colour. And 2 pairs of cute looking glasses. Like the one above the photo (the fourth one). Spotted a sky-blue denim shorts in Forever 21. Yummehhh.

The boyf is back to his dorm. I'll be having my finals tomorrow. One of the most difficult subject in my semester. Well, for me. Sigh. Might be working after the finals. We'll see about that, afterall, something not pretty happened when I decided to work during the holidays. Another sigh.

At times, life sucks when you realize how lonely you are. When friends are acting weird around you, talk lesser and lesser with you and not asking you out to be a part of them anymore. Thats when you'll realize, that you're on your own and that nobody will help you nor share the pain with you.

Shall stop here, enough of my rantings about personal life. Thats random. ;)
Back to studies!

Butterflies.

2009-04-27T13:18:00.000-07:00

I ♥ you, Emi.

:)

♥, your girlf.

Summer Love.

2009-04-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

After class, went shopping today with mom. Its been awhile. :D
Finally got myself the wet-look leather looking tights. And a flowery casual dress.
Ordered a cute purplish stripey tube dress from Fra-la-la

Thank you for those who advise me in my tagboard. Appreciate much. ;). Thanks!
Me and the boyf finally sat down and talked yesterday night. It was hard, yes. But, no harm done apologizing to one another. Apologizing is NOT difficult. It starts with a sorry.
So, we worked things out, we're fine now, we're happy and appreciate each other's presence and things we've done for each other.

Can't wait for finals to get done and over with. Can you imagine, I'm having 5 papers to finish up and it only takes me 3 days. The faster, the betterrrrrr.

I'm going off now. Waiting for the boyfie to call :D.
Don't you just LOVE mid-night calls? 'coz, I do!

Cloud Nine

2009-04-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Last day of college tomorrow! :D

Then, I'll have my one week study leave, and oh, there goes my finals. and double oh, there goes my long holiday.
I don't want to fail any subject. Crossing my fingers.
I might be working during the holidays, to earn some cash, for my shopping. Even though the boyf don't allow me to work, cause, I guess he is afraid..

a) I'll meet a new guy during work?
b) Forget all about him when I'm working?
c) Not much time for him, as I'll be tired after work?

But, I'd prefer more money to go shopping :D. Plus, I'm a lil tad bit dissapointed with him.
Wheres the text messages? The midnight phone calls? *sighs*

Class at 1 in the afternoon tomorrow. I'm going off to read my Vogue Australia. :D
So, good night!
xoxx

ps: I miss you, yas. Get your arse back here quick! ;)

Back To Basics

2009-04-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

This is where I can express my feelings and emotions without saying to people on their face. No, I'm not a 2-face bitch. Cause, everytime I try to talk things with him, we end up argueing. Then, we'll play this silly "game", call, 'pointing-fingers-at-each-other".

How do you expect me to react when someone treats you good in a day or two, then the next day, he just don't text you much or call you much. I understand this thing call PRIVACY. I tried having my own privacy, but it fail miserably, because we both don't agree on this thing call PRIVACY. So, tell me. HOW should I react?

When one day, he could be the sweetest guy on earth, the bestest boyf you'll ever dream for, the most perfect one that you would never ever wanted to let him go. He'll call you out of nowhere, misscall you a gazillion times to reply him, keep sending you funny, cute and sweet messages and sending you mushy texts.
Then the next day, he barely gives you any calls, misscalls or texts or even reply you very very late. MIND YOU, very late. Tell me about it.

Definitely, I feel confuse. I absolutely feel lost and used at some point. And also, mind you, I actually feel insecure. At times, I wonder, "what the hell are you still doing here, Ashley Wong?! He doesn't neeed you anymore like how he used to, idiot!". Then, he would be the most wonderful guy you'll ever want, I'll change my mind, "ahh gees, I'm just thinking too much. He loves me. How dumb can I be?"

But, I start to realize, things are changing. Things are different now. So, what am i suppose to do? :(
Today was a total dissapointment. Barely any replies. Barely any misscalls. Barely any calls. No, wait, he barely calls me nowadays. It just makes me feel so different. :'(.
I waited for him to come online for 2 and a half hours. He kept ending my calls and send me ONE msg, telling me to wait.. But, he wll definitely go online, whenever his friends ask for a game match. Because, that was what he did, before I asked him to come online with me. :(

I know this is a stupid thing to whine about. But, it is different. You guys can't judge it, unless you were with us for 1 year and 8 months. :(.

& again, yes, I do feel insecure for the first time and I guess I could feel something fishy going around here.

I'm going off to bed. I just wish, things would be like how it used to be :(
Still love you very much. G'night!

MixMatch?

2009-04-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

Whoopeedo! (:

Hello sunshines. I've got myself a gladiator heel. Black one. I got it few weeks ago. Just too lazy to blog about it. Will definitely do in my next post.
To fill up Lexie's craving for shoes? LOL. kidding, babe. Lets go shopping!

I definitely need to shop for these..

Topshop High waisted black shorts

Wet-look tights

And oh, i hope they actually sell vintage swimsuit :(

This is so delicious :o. Nyumnyum. Alright, i gotta run.
My phone is ringing. The boyf is calling.
xo

♥

2009-04-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

ashley is lazy!

but i miss her :(

hehe

CocoLatte.

2009-04-21T06:05:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired of life. I'm tired of everything around me. Things, people, environment.
But, I won't disclose anything here. Basically, what I've learned today, is not to tell anyone your problems. Keep it to yourself. No point disclosing so much to people, comfort you, then telling you, you're a liar. It's better to keep things to myself. That way, no one can judge me or label me. 'Coz only I, myself can do that. Good. So, back to topic..

Was late to college. Thank god Ms.Karam didn't ask me to leave. Phew. Today was okay. Not too bad. Did my report for Ms.Ngim, submitted it to her. Learned a new word today, Urdula. From Kiwi. Haha. Crazy guy. Though, thats not the right spelling. But, thats how you say it. I'm not going to say what it means, because it might offend some people. Hah. After college, good things ended, then comes the bad things :(. Cried. Whatever, at times, I wish I wasn't born. Anyway, I'm having my final exam for BCS tmr *gulps*
Wish me luck, darlings.

ps: Can't wait for holidays. :DD

Tuning into: Katy Perry - Thinking Of You

Back

2009-04-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Hey yo! :D

Seriously, this blog is soooooooo dead. I barely have time to update. But I'm more to lazy. Went Hello Bali last night with KP, Shaun and Zhen Bon. Bon became more chubster. Haha. Barely drank. Well, if you call that drinking, then I'm speechless. Met Lexie there, we talked, and danced. Was quite fun. I had fun dancing with her. Then, went to ss15 for one round of foosball. Ahh, favourite :D. Then, we went to Tanjung for supper. Bumped in my biological-never-lookalike brother. Omg, i was super thirsty and hungry. Tried shisha a little bit. It was okayyy. Not really nice. Hmph. Okayy, lets MOS again next week. And party right after finals. Can't wait! :)

Seriously, Love is the last thing I want to talk about. Everything is so complicated. I don't think it'll ever work out. Every night, I cried myself to bed, and I have to wipe it on my own and cheer myself up. I don't think I can do this anymore. Just, this time, I'm so emotionally tired and I'm really upset. Things may look perfect for me, but seriously, I'm letting it all out. I'm not happy. This year, 2009, I was never happy. Even during New Years Eve. It was quite bad, we argued. It saddens me, that this Lovemagicthingy doesn't work on me. I see love birds walking up and down in college, & I tend to get envy. At times, I cried silently, while sitting next to my friends. Even IF this is over, I don't think I'll ever want to get involve in a relationship again. Because I still love him. And, definitely, it will be unfair to me, and my future boyf. This is tiring. I'm not happy anymore. No, WE are not happy anymore. Can't my life be ANY normal? Sigh.

To Laugh Or To Cry.

2009-03-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

For things I did not even do.
For places I did not go
For people I did not met
Also for boys I did not date.
How can one be known as a cheater (in a relationship),
If one did not date any?
How can another ran away with mistake,
If another did things they weren't suppose to?
How can life be THIS terribly unfair?
How can one get sweared and CURSED by the person she love most,
For, all one did was to miss the person she loved, care for him, cry for him and think about him?
:'(

I'm not going to reveal anything.
Though, what I wrote is not perfect. Do not even try to laugh.
Those words are crappy, but meaningful.
All I can say is, I'm deeply heartbroken and crushed.
Really, for the first time in my life,
I do not hate you, but I will never ever forgive you.
I'm sorry for the things I've done
But I'm not sorry for the things I did not do.
:(
Take care.

Guilt

2009-03-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

I'm the worse blogger. I know :( Sorry for the delay. I've been super lazy and also busy. Went to KL on Monday with emiboo. Got lots of goodies. Nyum nyum.

Took the ktm to KL. Usual, hot and humid. Sigh.
Overall, it was fun! :D
Him being such a sweetheart to accompany me to walk around, to go shopping, taking my bags, giving opinions and such. Thanks b!
This whole week, went to college's library to hangout and do my work. Emi was such a goody-two-shoes to accompany me, listened to my whining, getting used to my manjaaaa-ing, and argueing over which flashgames to play. Pfft.

I gotta run. Party to attend. Lisza claimed it's just a makanmakan session. We'll see :P Miss you shortie! :)
Jian Sunn, don't complain about my fonts already! Haha. Lets hope this one turns out great, aite?

Toddles, people :)

ps: I look so fat here. fuckkkkk
pps: Yasmeen, I missss you! :(

4 in the morning.

2009-03-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

I could cry. I have piles and piles or assignments to finish up. It is 4.30 in the morning. I have to wake up at 7.30 in the morning. Doesnt matter. I'm so used to burning mid night oil. heeee.
Anyhoos, I haven't take my SPM results yet. I'm not taking it on Friday either. I have classes and assignment to submit. That is much more important to me, as I'm already in college. So please don't ask about my results. Because I won't tell you! :p. So don't bother asking. I have better things in mind. I'm sure those who are already in college will get what I'm saying. Right, no?

I have alot of things in my mind. College mid-terms results, FInal exam in 1 and a half more month. Incomplete assignments, homeworks and so-on. :(

Also, it sucks to know that, people who are SUPPOSE to care about you, but they actually couldn't care less about your emotion and feelings, but only the things revolves around you. Also, people who doesn't have the responsibility to care all the way for you like how someone is suppose to, but they actually care. They asked about you, the things you do, how are you feeling and such. It's driving me insane.

I gotta run. I spend 10 minutes on blogging. Im so proud! NOT. I have to finish the assignment up. Tooodles

ps: PLEASE don't ask about my spm results. Really, I'm not in the mood to answer. Urgh. That is also driving me insane. *pulls hair*

Kitty Minky

2009-03-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

Retard faces (:

As you can see, the odd one is always the stinky face. ;p
Don't you loooove his expression? Heehee.
Still love you, stinky face.
By the way, this is what i do (points at above's photo) when I'm doing my assignments and assesments. Because, i'm lame and i was really bored. Hurmph
Back to work. :'(

xo!
ps: You better be good at ur dorm and college. You should know who you are ;p

2009-03-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

hello people! (:
Sigh, I kind of miss my long hair. Guess, I have to wait few months for it to grow. No, wait a lot more months, actually. Hmph.
I glad things work out already. We patched up but we're not together yet. We shall see how things goes. Heeheee. But yes, we do love each other alot. Its too much till we get fed up of each other. Har har.

& omgg, I would LOVE to thank JS for all the help. Seriously. ;)

Gotta get back to my assesment. Essay no less than 500words. Hee, no problem!
Emiboooo, I spotted this cute zebra print clutch in Forever21. *ahem*. If you read this, get what I mean. Did I also mentioned that I'm kind of addicted to cherry pinkish red lipstick nowadays?

Alright, gotta jet. Can't wait to meet my crazy clique.
xo

Go On

2009-03-07T06:37:00.000-08:00

I'm still waiting for the cookies & brownies
And also the song; For You I Will by Teddy Geiger.
Like how you promised me.
I'm waiting and still waiting
Because I know, it won't happen
& never will.
So, I stop waiting and pretend that everything is alright and normal.

Alright, I'm going out.
Bangsar for shishaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, bebeh.
Toodles!

tuning into: Beautiful - Akon (Colby O'Donis ft Kardinal Offishall)
; you're so damn beautiful.

Betty Boop

2009-03-06T05:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, finally, mid-term is overr, bebehh.
Now, i have time to think about things I want to do.
To keep myself busy.
Discussed something with Mr.M :D
I'm so very very happy and excited about it
Not telling for now. tehee. Twinny yong, i miss you la bitch. hmph.
Screw all the bad things for now.
I'm thinking positive.
& ainaa, edward cullen so deserves me. HAHA. wth?
Thanks everyone for the comfort :)
There is no need for me to be emo anymore.
I can live without a man in my life for a long time.

xo

Worthy

2009-03-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

Taylor's Communication Orientation Night '09

Knowing that I have my friends around me,
to make me laugh till I cry, and my stomach ache like hell from laughters,
I will be fine. Sooner or later, it is just a matter of time.
Thanks people for comforting me and being there for me when I cried. :)

Last exam paper tomorrow. ICHB.
Then let's foooos and hangout at mamak.

tuning into: Leona Lewis - Better In Time

Fcuk

2009-03-04T00:17:00.000-08:00

Wish you all the best with her.

Knowing you HAVE a little crush on her

Those words you describe me was harsh

Those words you defended her was sweet.

I can do the same fucking thing to you.

But I chose not to.

Because I know how exactly you'll feel when you read it.

Sorry to say, you caused me a very serious problem.

I told you something, you chose to ignored it.

FINE.

And look what I'm going through.

I know you're enjoying.

FInally, your revenge. You Won

& I'm done.

Looking how sweet you guys can be, hurts me.

So fine.

Thanks for everything. Hope you all the best.

Good luck.

She will replace me

In better ways

Prettier, skinnier, sweeter, much more understanding

Then I hope you'll be happy together

Seeing the way you guys communicate, I know

It's just the matter of time.

But fuck it

Fuck it if its hurting me or I'm crying

NOT LIKE YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

hah :\

Thanks for everything.

Will always love you, even how mad I am at you.

Take care. Have a great life with her.

This is THE END of all those emo entries.

I'm starting a new life. ALONE.

Broken

2009-03-03T19:05:00.001-08:00

Thanks for trashing me after all I've said and done :)
You don't seem to care anymore, i guess
Goodbye.

The Ugly Side

2009-03-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Even how much I want to belive in love,
I don't think i can belive in love anymore.

I won't barge into your life like how I used to.
I won't come and tell you things you need to know.
I won't cry infront of you and expect you to hug me tight and wipe my tears.
I won't scold nor yell at you.
I won't care about you, even though I want to care about you all the time.
I won't disturb you.
I won't ruin your mood and make you feel stress
I won't make you feel hurt, angry and depressed.
anymore.

I'm just going to pretend that everything is alright when the truth is, everything is crumbling down.
You don't sound like you need me anymore in your life. :(.
Typing this, wearing your t-shirt, reminiscencing about our memories,
really made me cry.
You won't have to worry, because really, I won't ruin your mood and stress you up anymore.
I hope you can find the right girl who truly understands you.
For you always said to me, "you never understands me. never"
I'm sorry. :'(
I won't disturb your life anymore. Take care & have the best in you life.

ps: Thank you to those who comfort me, wished me and gave me a shoulder to lean on. I truly really appreciate it. :)
pps: exam today was so-so. Quite satisfied.

You.

2009-02-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

You no longer call me back like how you used to. Even after what you're doing, you'll text me and call me like crazy. You no longer reply my text messages. Even after the important question I asked you earliar in the morning, you didn't reply me. Nor did you reply the message I send you on Myspace.

It struck me. It hurts. Hurts knowing you probably got over me already. The way you got over your exes.

No matter how many tears I cried, how i make myself miserable and depressed, you won't wait for me. :'(

Like you told me, you will wait. no matter what comes along. no matter what happened, you WILL wait for me.

You WILL disturb me and send me tons of msgs, call me to let me know, you're still in love me.
Because YOU told ME, "if a person, who barely talks to you after the break-up, it is because his feelings for you has faded. It is because he is not in love with you anymore."

I remembered those word. You told me on your birthday night. :'(. Right now, you're not replying my text messages or any messages I send to you. You didn't call me back anymore. You're not looking for me anymore.

Then I understand. I understand, that no guys in this world, will wait for the girl they used to loved and cared. I came to a spot where I realize, this is it. This is the end of our relationship. You won't want to come back to my life anymore. You don't want want US back already.

I will move on. Move on without any man at the moment. Because, I'm getting sick and tired of everything. Those words and lies :'(. I can't take this anymore. Writing this makes me cry even more and harder. Thinking of those promising words back then and it is not happenning right now makes me so sad. I'm just so lost.

I wanted to wait for you. I really really do. But after those coldfeet you're giving me. I got the message from you. You no longer want me to disturb your life anymore :'(. So, I understand you. You can't take it. Me neither. But now, after all these, I come to a point, I don't think I can wait. I tried my best. I send you text msgs, send you msgs, asking you to come online to talk, calling you. But you don't seem to care about them anymore. You're not replying any of them.

I don't know how to put into words, how sad and fucked up I'm feeling.

I just don't know exactly what I did wrong. I did not ask for this. All i want was for you to prove that you love me. Wait for me. Till everything is back to normal and cooled down, we can be like old times. But, things are changing. In just a day!

Perhaps, one day, seeing you with another girl other than me, will definitely makes me much more sad. Because I never wanted to lose you.
But, i hope you'll get the right one and treat her well. Hope there will be no problem and mistakes. You're a good man and a great boyfriend.

May the best in life you will have. I will wish you joy in the future.
If you're reading this, please don't feel bad and sorry for moving on.
Or getting over me.
No, I'm not angry. Perhaps, I don't know how i put into words how deeply hurt I am.
Just forget those promises and words you made to me,
but always, ALWAYS cherish and remember those days we had in our 1 year, 6 months & 15 days. PLEASE don't throw it all away. I love you. I always have. And I still do.

There is always a difference when it comes to your boyfriend who then became your ex-boyfriend in just one day.

It hurts me. Coz' it seems that you no longer care or be bother about me. :'(
I'm only waiting of the day that I will stop crying when I think about you.
Because it really hurt me.

Lost In You

2009-02-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

Everything tasted like charcoal and mud.
Without you being with me,
everything is falling down.

A Different Love

2009-02-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

Perhaps seperating will be better for us. :(

Like you told me, you belive in fate. I do too. I really do. If in the next future, if fate bring us together, who knows? Miracle happens.

Just so you people know, I'm single. Who dumped who? Thats not a question. No, we both did not agree with it. We have to seperate because of my parents. I will not badmouth my family, though I know they love me and wants to protect me. Also, they only want whats the best for their ONLY daughter.

I love you, Emiraldi. I still do. Very very much. I'm so lost. I don't know what life is going to be like without your presence. It sucks that things end up this way. But, both of us expected it. I just can't seem to move on. I don't know how. All this while, you were there for me. Physically and mentally. Now that you're gone. Now that the US is gone, I don't know what to do.

No, I'm not weak. I'm not. For those who have to seperate with their loved ones by force, you'll know what I'm talking about. Loving someone but you can't be with them. Thinking of you and our memories makes me cry everytime.

I'm not going to force you to wait for me. Coz' i don't want you to suffer and cry. Waiting for a girl who is no longer yours and feeling insecure about what is going to happen in the future. I'm not that cruel. :'(. But, I hope in that heart of yours, you'll still wait for me. Because I will wait for you.

Those things we have done. I have never regret a single bit being with you. I love you. You're the best damn thing that ever happened to me. I will miss you and love you. :(
Also, I won't replace you with any other man out there. Because, you'll always have a space in my heart. I can promise you that.

I'm sorry things end up like this. We didn't want it. I really cherish this 1 year and 6 months. :(
Don't you realize, 2 more weeks to our 1 year and 7 months. I love all the things you've done for me. Being with you, makes me much more happier. Even if we're argueing, it makes me feel sad but at the mean time, knowing you'll be there for me, I feel great.

Definitely, I'll miss you cuddles, kisses and hugs. A day without texting you makes me feel weird and lost. Every night without talking on the phone with you, makes me miss you more and more. Without seeing you, makes me so lost. It makes me cry writing this post.

Making me smile, cry, laugh, sad, happy. I love it. I will miss cuddling with you and argueing with you. Being with you, things fit so well like a jiqsaw puzzle. Now that you're gone, I feel so lost. Completely lost :(

Remember, we planned to go Port Dickson for a short trip. We didn't have a chance to. :(. Also, going to the mall and shop after my mid-terms. We didn't make it. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to you. Sorry if I've hurt you and made you cry. Sorry at times, my tantrums made you insane. Also, sorry that at times, I utter the words "I'm done" to you. I didn't mean to. I really didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I hope and wish we really didn't come from 2 different worlds. You changed my life and the way I see things. Thank you for everything. For loving, caring and protecting me. In every single way and time. Thanks. You will always be the one I truly ever love and my baby. I won't stop loving you. You changed me and show me what love is.

I love you. I will miss you.
Please take care.

[edit]
I will cherish those things we did and those days we went through.

Goodbye

2009-02-26T06:54:00.000-08:00

I feel bad for not updating this blog :(.
I'm so so sorry loves!
Been really busy. Juggling with assignments and studying.
Mid-terms is next week, yo. *nervous*
All the best to the Communication students! ;)

And ohhh, Topshop is having 10% sale.
Add on 10% for sale items :D
& i'll definitely update about tommorow's orientation night.
Even if it sucks, we'll just pretend that it sucks and enjoy the night. Hah.

ps: It's okay if you're not coming back like how you used to be.

Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you'll end up working for one
- Bill Gates

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

2009-02-21T09:10:00.001-08:00

I don't know what to do with this boring blog anymore :S
Baby got me a black tights from Miss Selfridge. Thanks boyfie!
My mid-terms is on the 2nd of March. Nervous shit.
Will update very very soon. Promise.

Stop being such a hypocrite, girls. :). You don't like me, then don't pretend that you like me. Don't talk to me too. Its not my lost. If you don't like me personally, don't bitch about me infront of the lecturer. I'm don't want to be a hypocrite. I don't talk to those that I don't like. Thats just me in 09. So, one advise for you, "some-girls-in-my-class", EFF off, please. ;)

ps: MISS YOU YASMEEEEEN!

:)

2009-02-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

Hello Yasmeen here,

I've come on ashley's blog to say:

I MISS YOU WOMEN! :(

and ILY ♥

byebye :)

xo!

Sugaaar

2009-02-15T08:34:00.000-08:00

A shot from Melbourne.

Hey boyf. I miss you. Like so fucking much :(

Random, but sweet. Right? :D
Even our valentine's suck big time. I'm still expecting gifts, okay?! ;p
No, i'm no gold digger. I'm just a girl who needs to be pamper sometimes (most of the time)
I love you, silly! Muah

Xo

Valentine

2009-02-15T01:05:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day, people :)
Sorry for the late.

My Valentine suck. BIG time. No doubt.
I have nothing to talk and blog about on my Valentines.
I'm not saying much.
Back to studies.

ps: Happy Valentine, Yasmeen!
ps: Can't wait for the orientation dinner. Does it suck? :S

Cupid Is Gone

2009-02-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

Things were a little messy recently. I thought perhaps it could be fix or something. But, it just won't go any of the good ways. It just wont do any good. It keeps going down and down. It is hard to cope up with my studies, my social, my friends, myself and my relationship. I don't know about any of you who feels the same, but I do. No one will understand better than of course, yours truly.

I adore Valentines. I always do. I never really celebrated valentines before. But just twice, I received a gift from one of my ex-boyf who is now my close buddy & last year's. I never receive any roses or flowers and those sorts of things. Hah. But all these while, I'm single AND alone for valentines. Sometimes, I asked myself, what is so great about Valentines? Its about love. Duh. But, what if love no longer comes your way? I used to loved love. But things are not so good now.

It is now wee hour in the morning. I just couldn't sleep. Just for once, for ONCE, I really want to close my eyes and never wake up. How peaceful and painless it will be? Is there such things as fairytale? Come on, it is reality. Snap back to it, people!

Whenever I see couples or love birds walking around or appearing in photos, I used to NOT envy them.( see the word "USED" to. it shows that I do now actually.) Because I have mine. I'm happy. I'm extremely happy. Because nobody ever gave me this strong feeling before. The feeling of I'll-do-anything-for-love-because-I'm-really-so-in-love-with-you. Knowing that you'll be there for me. You'll teach me something new. Knowing you'll shower me with care, loads and loads of love. Knowing you'll tolerate me and truly understand me.

But things are so different now. We are so different. There are slamming, throwing, punching, pushing, yelling, screaming, ignorance, walking away, nasty comments, foul lauguage, nasty and mean words coming from that lips of ours. What have WE actually became? NONE of us want to admit. NONE of us want to change. NONE of us is actually happy anymore. But we kept going. We kept believing that we WILL change. we WILL make a differance. we DEFINITELY will fix this shit up. But, it just doesn't go our way at times.

I know when you're reading this, you must be thinking, 'Why can't you be like other girls? Write about the HAPPY us in your blog? Instead of THIS piece of shit.' But no. I swear I have by NO means of trashing you or insulting you in any ways. I just want to express myself. For once, I want to do this FOR MYSELF. I'm writing this base on MY experiance. I'm depressed. I may look glowing and happy. Laughing and all smiles. But that doesn't mean I'm happy! I'm really hurting inside.

Nobody will understand me. This world is NOT fair. Perhaps I depended way too much on you. I miss you. I miss me. I miss the old-us. I want us back. But, I know I can't. It don't exist anymore. It is just a one time deal thing.

By no means, I'm celebrating the oh-so-lovey-dovey Valentine, lying down on my bed, read a book, a hot-chocolate with marshmellow is a defenite & to turn off the cellphone. Remember, it is our one year and six months. We should be smiling. We should be planning a dinner. Gifts. Plans. But, we're not. Instead, it is all arguements. I can already smell something filthy going on this entire week and also the rest of the week.

I'm tired. At times, I wish I could just end it all. But this is too much too handle. I wouldn't know what to do without you? How life would be without you? I'm a coward. I'm chicken out to try such things. I'm lost. & there is no longer a YOU to guide me anymore..

Do i deserve this? Do you deserve this? Who's to decide that but us. But, I decide not to talk about that. So lets just skip it.

Loving someone,
does not mean they have to be together,
for the rest of their lives.
They'll wait.
Wait for the rest of their lives,
for each other.

Yours truly.

Promiscuous

2009-02-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the very very late updates :(
I kind off suck in blogging. Not like I was very good in this in the first place. Its just, I used to update very often. Tehee.

This is extremely late, but i just want to say, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone :D
College has been very very fun lately. Yet hectic. Since almost all the assignments, I need to submit by next week. :(

& ohh, This is my fraternal twinny, Ashley Yong. Woman, i misssss you! :p
We sooo need to get in serious shopping mood next week.
Congrats on the driving. Now, you can drive me around >:D

Was suppose to go Curve with the boyfie. But things didn't turn up so well. So yeah, plans got ruined. I hate this part. :\

ps: Yasmeen, i misss you.

L.V is love

2009-02-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

Super bored here :(
I miss the boyfie.
I won't be seeing him till Friday? :'(
Be good back in the dorm!
I'm currently in the college's library. No pictures. Mehh
::(

ps: Short update.

Dream Of You

2009-01-31T02:01:00.001-08:00

hello! :D

Omgosh, this post was suppose to be last week's.
but due to lazyness and was a tad bit busy, i decided to delay it. sorry :(

I would really really love to thanks Chi Wing for ALL the help. Seriously, without him, I don't think things will work. :). He drove me like everywhere to make this perfect. Nice, cousin! :D.
Ohh! Recently, I found out, Chi Wing is related to me. I know! This is crazy. My aunt is married to his uncle. Haha. Look how SMALL this world could be! Nutssss :p
Nice to have a big size cousin. One smash on ur face, thats it :D

I reserve a table for 2 at this cute western restaurant for the boyf. I guess he enjoyed it?

I'm super lazy to post up the food photos. I was lazy to grab a nice picture of it. Swear, it wasn't good looking. Moahaha.
Baby was sooo surprise and blushing when the waiter was bringing the cake. :p

Shit, I gotta run to finesh up this week's assignment. Seriously, this blog is DEAD. :(

I love you, boyf! Hope you like the gift I got you :D. No, u MUST love it. Hmph!
Muah. toooodles

& to the 2 ladies. One, you should really really stop flirting with my boyf indirectly. Its fucking obvious. You already have yours. So stick to yours! :)

The other one, PLEASE. EARTH TO YOU. I already have a boyf. I don't need nor do i want to flirt/like/want or anything to do with your boyf. Just so you know, those words he said, are all lies. Wake up. Seriously, both of you are the not so joyful person I've ever known. & really, you're really raggy yourself. Pick on someone your own age. & for the him, pick on someone your own size! NO ladies wants to be talked, looked or seen by him. If there is, count me out. I really am not interested. Really. Gees.

ps: Yasmeen, IMY woman!
pps: Valentine's is coming :D

Birthday

2009-01-27T07:49:00.001-08:00

Happy 19-teen birthday, baby! :D

Hope you love the gift I gave you. & hope you did enjoyed your birthday dinner.
Will update soon about it. Don't go away reaaders! ;)

Tooodles!

You're my drug.

2009-01-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

Hello hello! :D

This post was suppose to be like last week's? HAH.
Went for a drinking session with the boyf. Since he couldn't use the car, we had to walk.
I love walking at night with the boyfie. Its "romantic" LOL.

Hahaahaa. Look at the photo ;p. Shit, i hope he wont kill/strangle me when he sees this. :D
LOL.
Shittttt. my blog is getting boring. :(. I know some of my readers are running away. I feel so sad. This blog seems dead. Sigh.

The reason why I barely update my blog, is because I'm busy.
I'm busy with my college & the boyf.
Yes, you heard me. College. Bah.
Things are great. My classmates/group are friendly.
Also, I'm kind of adapting listening to Indonesian language. I think its so cute!
Dini is teaching me. heehee. Oh yaaa. There is a chiq/my hot-friend. Her name is Ashley as well. Ashley Yong. LOL. Seriously. The lecturers will go like "Two Ashleys in my class?"
Yes, I'm currently in Taylors P.J. I was already in since like few weeks ago. College is fun. :D

ps: I need to go shopping badly.
pps: I miss the boyf :(
ppps: Someone is turning a big 1-9 next week! :D

Randoms

2009-01-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

I just got back home. Had a drink with the boyf earliar.
We camwhored. Haha. wth?
Anyway, isn't that tree above beautiful? (:
Was decorated by aunt Kris in Aussie.

These are my shoe collection. I know its not much.
& I definitely know there are girls out there who has waaaay many more shoes than I do.
But i was just being random posting all these up. Hah.
I'm kind of busy lately. Sigh.

ALL these are just some short updates.
Readers that are been following me, don't go away :(
Muahh! Tooodles

"xoxo, gossip boy" - Shinz

wtf? LOL!

Be My Valentine.

2009-01-13T10:53:00.001-08:00

Happy 1 year & 5 months anniversary! (:

Don't worry, silly. I did not forgotten about our anny.
I miss you. & I hate that you're so far away from me. Sigh.
Love you to bits, boyf!

Toodles.

LV is love.

2009-01-13T04:50:00.000-08:00

muah

Hello people! :D
Had a day out with Lexie on Monday. Well, i definitely enjoy hanging out with her.
We can bitch. Like ALOT. wth? heh.

I love to talk to her laaa. We had fun shopping. She reserved her oxford heels. It was prettyyyy. That pair of oxfords makes me horny. I've told you before. Shoes makes me go horny. wtf?
Then we walked around. I saw this really pretty dress at Forever 21. It was leopard. Tehee!
Told mom about it. IF they have my size, I'm getting it. :D. Dad said he'll buy me something if i pass my undang. Heeeee.

"my spegetthi looks so sad. No meat, no nothing."- Lexie

Had our lunch at a chinese restaurant. Not too bad. Should have ordered chinese instead of western. Cis. Our spegetthi really looks sad, you see. Haha. Then we walked to her college, for her short meeting. Then backed to Pyramid for a lil shopping.

Around 5, we took a bus home. It was drizzling. When we reached her area, it was raining heavily. Haha. Her dad took us home at the bus stop. We hangout in her room. Well, basically, you talk about anything to this chiq here (:. It was comfortable hanging out with you, babe!
Thanks for accompanying me. :D

Gotta run.
Tooodles! (:

Tickle Me Pink.

2009-01-10T10:28:00.000-08:00

bimbo minus the blonde?

Few more hours, I'm going to attend the driving lesson & listen.
For full 6 hours. Hah. Nuts.
I'm so going to be bored. :(
Thank god, I met Yi Lin, from my school the day I took my test.
She is following me for the driving lesson. Thank god for a partner! :D

She was my class neighbour. Same Moral class, you see.
It was very unexpected for us to be talking.
Because, basically, we never talk in school/class! Haha.

Gotta run. I'm off to bed

ps: Yasmeen, I can't wait for March. Come back!
pps: Emiboo, i misss you sudeyh. :(
ppps: I'm loving my new blog skin! Thanks Yas! :D

Morning Breakfast.

2009-01-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

Hello you,

This post was like, few days ago. Hah. Had a day out with my bitch, Yasmeen.
We had roti canai. Damn, I miss her already :(

You have a friend in me. (:

We decided to eat at Kayu. Since its near for Chris. Tehee
Met up with Chris, his friend and Chris's mom. Aunty was superr nice!
Thanks aunty for the meal (:

Then, me and Yas went to mcd for sundae. Hah. The weather was super hot. I'm so not use to it yet :(.
Chris and his friend has gym appointment. Aunty has her facial appointment. So yeah.

I'm so saving for the photos. Haha. wtf? Because I'm lazy.
Tooodles!

ps: I pass my undang :D

Melbourne Part 2

2009-01-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

I shall continue my trip. I'm so NOT good in talking about vacations. so.. Yeah :\
Went to this place, Lakes Entrance. Very far from the city. The beach is wonderful itself. But, too bad for the weather. Way too cold to hit to the beach. Also, too windy. Hah

Couldn't go near it. Because the wind was way too strong. Sand kept hitting my face. :(

They have motels. Tehee. I don't think Malaysia has motels. They don't call it motel, anyway.
We stayed in a suite for 3 days 2 nights. So it was quite fun. Tehee.
On the first night, we had out dinner at this boat. It was so cute.

I couldn't remember the name. Hah. But the food over there, awesome :D

I couldn't remember what is this. But, its a salad I guess. LOL. With slices of cheese on top.

Thats the mussles. Hee.

& I couldn't remember the rest. So. HAHA.
It was already 8pm that time. Its still so bright and sunny, yeah? Tehee. But its really chilly. Anyway, the waiter was quite cute. Ohh-la-la.

Thats the view from my bedroom. Tehee. You can actually spot the pelicans sometimes from the lake. Its cool. Hot surfers walking their dogs topless. :D
Anyway, the Roxy & Billabong are really cheap in Aussie. Small stores. Not like the ones we have in Malaysia. At times, A$10 per piece of the bikini top. Couldn't get one because of the size. Boohoo :(

Shall update more the next time! :D
Don't have much pictures with me. It is all with the aunt.

Tooodles.

Damaged Much.

2009-01-06T06:39:00.000-08:00

Things have definitely changed. You are not being who you are usually being. It hurts to see someone who used to loves me with his heart, cares about me & understands me became the opposite. I don't know what has gone wrong. I understand, not everyone is perfect. Infact, nobody is. But what you're doing to me, it hurts. EVERYTIME without fail. Its so different from how you treated me back then.

I confronted you. But you were too busy doing you things. You spitted on me with words, saying I've changed. I'm self-destructing. I'm not stopping with those arguements. Nothing will make you realize what you're doing. Especially what you're doing to me.

Maybe, just MAYBE you're not changing. Just, like to see me hurt. Due to those mistakes I've done. How I've hurt you. But, I changed. I proved to you. It doesn't matter how many times I did proved to you, but I did. Its not the quantity that matters but its the quality.
I practically did almost everything. To make you realize about us. You barely appreciate me and the things I do for you anymore.

You can even say things like, you support another girl no matter what I said about her, but you never ONCE stood up for me nor supported me in things I want to do. Whenever I had my bad flashback, you'll comfort and cheer me up. But not anymore. Your texts today hurt me so much. It actually made me rushed to the mall's loo, to cry the shit out of it.

Really, I can't do the crying everynight. Not every single night. I'm at the edge.
You can do anything you want. But when its MY turn, you practically fuss, complained and say mean and sacarstic words to me.
I said to myself, I'll never give myself to another. Like how I gave it to you. You don't even recognize or know how you're treating me. I belive at times, when you needed me, I'm there. But now, you're BARELY even there for me. No more.

You made me fell for you so badly. But you're not treating me right. You used to treat me so well. Everything fitted like a picture perfect. But not anymore. It's like I don't even KNOW who you are right now.

You no longer care if I cried, or hurt so deeply inside, or HOW unhappy I am. You just don't & won't care, as long as I follow you way and words, you'll be happy.
No, this post if not about trashing you. Its about making you realize, HOW i'm feeling. Don't you know how much I'm crying while typing this post? But if you still wont and don't want to realize, then fine. I'm tired. I really need a rest.

The only problem is, that you was using me.
In a different way, I was using you.
-Rihanna, Rehab.

Try listening to,
Rihanna - Rehab
Rihanna ft. Neyo - Hate That I Love You
Ashanti - Foolish
Paramore - Decode

Retro

2009-01-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

As you all know, I love shoes. I go ga-ga over them. Worst, at times, if I found a really really kinky-ish type of pumps or heels, i'll go horny. Hah. Figure it out.

Maybe this is not everybody's choice. It looks better in reality. Swear. ;p

Gladiator anyone? Nyumm

This are some shoes that I bought from Aussie. Tehee. I love flats, you know. Its soo cute.
Agree?

Anyway, i miss the boyfie. He is back to his dorm. Sigh.

KP came to my place around 8-ish. We had a long talk. It was a catch up. Good to talk to you, buddy. (:

Somehow, I can't belive I'm done & over with high school. I'll definitely miss the pinafore and my friends. But, its a new start for me. New environment. Definitely new friends that I can click better with. Since, I don't exactly go shopping our outing with my friends. We are great talking to one another. But, theres not much same interest between each other. So yeah. But, I'll definitely miss all of them. Especially how they made me laugh, & be there for me when I'm down. Tehee.

Gotta run. The phone is ringing. & it is written "Emi" *grins*
Toooodles.

ps: May those who are having school. Enjoy and appreciate it!

Happy 2009.

2008-12-31T23:55:00.000-08:00

Before I say anything else, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! (:
Was suppose to go MOS yesterday. But Chi Wing couldn't make it. No worries.
So, I went to Curve with the boyfie. There were seven of us in the car. Haha.

My babe tends to have the blur effect on his expression. I don't know why. ;p.
I love you, b! Wanted to get some fireworks shot. But lots of people were spraying those so called snow sprayer. Couldn't get one nice shot. Hmph! no fair. Met Lexie over there. But shit, forgotten to take a picture with her. Double sigh.

Pictures were taken with my camera phone. So the quality is not good. Sigh. Anyway, you're suppose to kiss someone when it struck 12 in the midnight on New Year. Tehee!
It was quite jam when we got back. Poor baby. I can bet he was more than tired than I am. The jam was terrible in the carpark. Gees.Reached home at 3.30 in the morning. I was so tired, i went to bed. Hah.

Mind me, it was hot, crowded, & I was sweating like nuts. Heehee. Goodbye. & have a very Happy New Year! Thank you baby for everything. I love you best!

ps: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LI ZHI! Have yourself a great one. Muah.
pps: will post up my Aussie trip next! :)

Melbourne

2008-12-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hello! :D
Do ignore the dates. Didn't change my camera settings.
Melbourne was fun. I don't know what to write. So i'll let the pictures do the talking. Tehee.
Some dates, I didn't change the camera settings. And I didn't categorize my photos. I just post them up randomly.

My uncle's penthouse is right opposite a big park. Or you may call it a garden. Since it's really nice, with flowers and everything. & you can see pinecones everywhere on the floor. We don't have real pinecones in Malaysia, you see. :(.

The weather. I won't say its cold. Maybe slightly chilly? But, yes, you do need a few jackets. Its windy and chilly. Besttt. & best, ignore my thunder thighs. Heeheee.

You get to see all these weird toilets in the garden. Its free. Mostly, the homeless gets to used it much. Because they basically live in the garden. So yeh.

Anyway, its my randomness to take weird photos. But, isn't it beautiful? I took that while on my way home. :D.

My place is just right next to the Victoria market. I guess if anyone who have been to Melbourne city, you'll knoe where it is. & I got myself some cherries, strawberries and raspberries! These are my favourites. Since you don't get raspberries in Malaysia. Yumm.

On the weekends, 5 of us went to Lakes Entrance. It's mostly like a beach town. Very nice. Too bad the weather was quite cold and windy, I didn't get to go to the beach. Hurmph. Anyway, the burger over there, is MCD's Chicken Bacon Deluxe. Hah bacon. You definitely won't have this burger in Malaysia. One of my favourite.

I'll post more in the next post. Mind me if this post is boring. Haha. Will update the next one tomorrow.

Back For Good

2008-12-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

I was in the plane when I took that photo. Tehee
I'm back from Melbourne. It was awesome!
Missing the weather, people, food and shopping right now. :(
Couldn't find the camera cable. Sigh
But I will definitely post it up by tomorrow.
Pinky promise. Tehee.

Toodles!

ps: new years coming. any plans? :D

Christmas!

2008-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, people!

No, I'm still in Australia, Melbourne. Schedule post. Tehee! I hope you guys will enjoy your Christmas. Cause I know I will! Christmas pudding, presents, turkey, parties. (:

my smelly.

I miss you, baby. I know I will. Wait for me. I'll make it up back to you on New Years Eve.
I love you.

Leaving

2008-12-14T22:01:00.000-08:00

I'm currently in the airport now. Going to fly in the next 20 minutes ish? Heh.
Jet-lag is so so so NOT my thing. Sigh.
I've forgotten my iPod headphones & also my contact-lens casing.
Thank god, there is a shop selling it. But without the headphones? Crap
Also thank god for novels to accompany me through out the flight. Shush!
Baby, I misssssssss you already! :(. Be good when i'm not around. its only 2 weeks.
LOVE you best!
MUAH

gotta jet for real. Toooodles!

Bored

2008-12-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

1 Are You Single?
No, I'm attached.

2 If not, who is your bf/gf?
Teuku Emiraldi.

3 How Long Have You Been Together?
1 year, 4 months & 1 day. Hah :D

4 If You're Single, Do you Like It?
Well, the freedom. But, I like what I am now.

5 Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now?
Omg, yes! Babyyy.

6 First Kiss ?
My mama.

7 Ever Kiss in the Rain?
ohhh yeah, bebehh.

8 In a Movie Theater?
Yes. :x

9 Underwater?
Yessss.

10 First Love ?

11 Have you ever Cheated on Anyone?
In my own view, NO. but in the boyf's view, Yes. wtff?

12 Been Cheated on?
Oh yes.

13 Used Someone?
Remember, everyone uses everyone. Thats life.

14 Been used?
read #13 again.

15 Lied to your bf/gf?
Tehee. yes. White lies and also lies that can kill. :o

16 Ever Made out With Just a Friend?
Yes. I know. But, im a reform bad girl, okay? 0:)

17 Ever Had Sex With Just a Friend?
NEVER! GROSS.

18 Are You a Tease?
*smiles sinisterly*

19 Do you Flirt a Lot?
I used to be a BIG flirt before Mr. Emiraldi. Muahaha.
He was attracted by my flirt. HAHA.

20 Longest Relationship
1 year, 4 months, 1 day. LOL.

21 Shortest
10 hours. I know. Bullocks.

22 Have you Ever Gotten a Poem?
Yes. By a very good friends of mine, Kee Wei ;)
Thank you, buddy!

23 Ever Get Flowers?
Nope. In 17 years of my life, Ive never receive a rose. Romantically. No.
Except from my great friend, Shaun.

24 Sweetest Thing You've Ever Gotten
:). secret.

25 Do you Like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day?
Is there such thing as Sweetest Day? But, i like my very own sweetest day with the boyf.

26 Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?
Yes.

27 Do you Fall in Love Fast?
No.

28 Are you a Player?
I don't think I'm a player. I'm just playful at times. hmm

29 Would you ever Hook Up With Someone of the Same sex?
Em, NO.

30 Have You ever Kissed 2 People in One Day?
Nope.

31 Kissed 2 People At One Time?
No

32 Had Sex with 2 People in One day?
LOL! no.

33 Had sex with 2+ People at One Time?
OMG. NO.

34 Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?
Yes. :(

35 Ever Been Dumped?
Oh yes :(

36 Ever dumped someone?
Yes.

37 Ever been rejected?
Baby always reject me in some things. HMPH! :(

38 Do you have a lot of ex's?
Haha.

39 Are you a slut?
Whoa. I may be bitchy at times. But no, im not a slut.

40 Ever dated someone more than once?
Yes.

41 Do you ever make the first move?
Hmm. No. I'm shy. Gees.

42 Double dates or single?
Doesn't matter.

43 Are you dating the very last person you kissed?
Yes.

44 Your bestfriend likes your last ex, you say?
If he's a great guy, i'll say "good for you, hun. go for it!"
If he's a jerk, i'll say "hes a real jerk. trust me. been through, done that."

45 Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Nope.

46 Ever kissed someone that smokes?
Yeah.

47 Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
no :(

48 In the past week have you cried?
Yes.

49 Are you cheating on someone right now?
Nope.

50 Who was the last two people to text you?
Shinz & Emi.

51 If your last ex said they hate you, you say?
my last ex wont hate me. Because we're great friends now. (:

52 How many girls/guys have you dated in 2008?
ONE. Tehee.

53 Do you have any classes with your crush?
Nope. lol.

54 Who was the last person to call you baby/babe?
Emiraldi.

55 Has anyone ever sang to you?
yes. (:

56 Who do you text the most?:
Emi.

57 First person to text today?
Emi

58 Do you like funny people or serious people?
Both. it depends. tehee.

59 Do you think anyone out there loves you?
Em. Yes. theres mommy, daddy, fat brother, my worthy friends. :D and my pets.

60 Did the one person who hurt you most apologize?
Nope. But, who cares.

61 Is there someone that you will never stop loving?
yes.

62 The last person you kissed needs you at 3 am; would you go?
Definitely!

63 Do you think your ex still likes you?
Nope.

64 Do you believe exes can be friends?
Oh yes! (:

65 Have you spoken to an ex at all this week?
Yeah. We still text a lil bit. Cheer up, buddy. See ya on New Years Eve! :D

66 Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
Nah. They don't camwhore like how EMIRALDI does. ;p

67 Do you miss an ex boyfriend/girlfriend?
Not at all. Tehee.

68 Does your last ex mean a lot to you?
He means more to me like a friend. & i nothing more than that.

ps: its 4:53am. Baby, pls don't kill me :(
I couldn't sleep.

Vacation

2008-12-14T10:55:00.000-08:00

Hello earthlings!

In 12 hours, I'll be in the plane. To Melbourne. I'm definitely going to miss the boyf and my pet. 7 horus flight, bebehh. It is not going to be that bored. Since I have few novels to catch up and my Undang book to read and understand before taking the computer exam. Hurmph.

I'm still not finesh with my packing. Mom told me to pack everything in the house. LOL.
But, I'm close to finesh. Tehee. I was told that we're going to the beach. I hope I get to drool on some blonde hotties :D. Since its summer. Ngehehe.
Sorry syg. I'm still loyal and so into you. Love you best! (:
Happy 1 year and 4 months anniversarry.

& baby said he got me a lil something. & he's doing his tradition thing, putting it in my mailbox at 6 in the morning. I can't wait! Shit, I'm feeling the deja vu-thing all over again.
It makes my day, knowing theres a present waiting for you in the mailbox, running down the stairs like a maniac, opening the mailbox early in the morning but still not knowing whats inside. its way more cool if it is a huuuuuge present. Ngeh heh. Shit, I'm excited.
LOVE YOU, BABYYY!

Gotta run. So, i bid you, my friends, GOODBYE!

ps: Yasmeen! Hope you can make it, hun. MISS YOU LOADS. Muah!
pps: Sorry for those whom I didn't link. I deleted my blog previously. Do update me if I didnt link you. ;)

Muah love!

Baby, You're My Disease

2008-12-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Pucker

Today was great. I haven't finish packing my luggage. Still thinking what to bring over there. Even though it is summer in Melbourne, its still chilly even if it is sunny. Cooolio?
Night, will be cold and chilly. To some of my friends, NO, I'm not going to Australia to further up my studies. I just couldn't let go of everything here. For example, my family, my boyf, my great friends, my pets. Oh gosh. :(

I wanted to dye my hair. But, baby gave me some advice. So, I decided not to. It won't look good on me. I dyed maroon mixed chestnut. It wasn't good on me due to my not-so-tan-yet-not-so-fair skin complexion. So I dyed it back black. & when the colour mix, it came out not bad. Hee. The boyf prefer my boring hair colour. LOL

Went to baby's place on Thurs. We had maggi mee. Because I was sulking big time, because I was hungry. Hee. We didn't know how to cook anything. No, correction, I can cook. Its just that, he doesn't have what I needed. So yeah, maggi mee is ze best choice when you're lazy.
Then he went to sleep because we were chatting online till late night yesterday. Haha. I bullied him on the webcam. Muahaha. Then, I continue my Gossip Girl novel. ;p.
Then he play Dota. I swear, its so boring. Yawns. So yes, I was still sulking. I fell asleep while listening to the television, his brother was watching. I was so tired, so I decided to go home and continue my sleep. Hee. It's kinda like, I did nothing in his place. Except eating, sleeping, reading. Cis. But, at least I get to spend some time with him before I'm off to Aussie.

This is what I do, when I'm bored.
Mind me.

That wasn't a great shot of me. But whatever. Nobody is perfect. Haha. Played wrestling with my brother in his room. Kicked him in the ass, yo! & eat your pillow, sucker. Teheeee. Went out for a drink with baby on Friday Night. I'm growing fatter mannn. With all the supper. Bullocks!
Anyway, it was great to hear from you, Chi Wing!
Happy 18th Birthday, buddy! (:

ps: ONE more day left.
pps: thank god the boyf finally cut his hair. Yes!

Gotta run to bed. Muah.

tuning into: Indigo - Kau Istimewa

Paint Me Red

2008-12-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

Sorry again for posting a post without photos.
Promise the next one will have photos! :D
Because I am so lazy to take pictures. I know. Sigh.
Went swimming with the boyf today early in the morning.
didnt swim for long. Because it was too cold. Must be the rain yesterday.

4 more days, I'm flying to Melbourne. I'm going to miss my Emi. :(
Worse, I haven't even started packing. I don't know what to bring!
Its summer in Australia already. But its also going to be cold.
Chilly, to be precise. Especially early in the morning and in the evening.
I want to hunt pretty summer dress over there. Heehee

Christmas is quite near already. Have you guys started to buy Christmas presents for your family, friends and oh also your pets? :p
I remember having the best Christmas pudding was last year, in Melbourne.
& also, Aunty Susan makes the best sticky red date pudding last year for the Christmas dinner.
I love Christmas. :)

& oh oh, I painted my nails red. Tehee.
I'm also planning to bake gingerbread man.
:D

Till then, Tooodles!

Sunshine

2008-12-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hello! (:

Mind the previous post of mine.
I didnt meant to be emo. Neither do I like to be an emotional person. Sigh
Things are better now. We sort things out. Hee
Thank you for those who send me cheer up messages on the tagboard.
& also to those who send me msgs to cheer me up.
I love you guys. It really means alot to me. Thank you (:

Went for the undang seminar on Thursday. Surprisingly, met Premen there.
Thank god for that dude. If not, I'll be bore to death.
He was a really really nice person to talk to.
It was so unexpected. "Hairy chest" Haha, our inside joke.
9 more days, & I'm off to Melbourne.

Ooh, it pisses me off that, every MPH I went to, Twilight is sold out.
Its like wth? Hmmmmph!
I already set my mind, made my decision to read 3 of them when I'm on plane.
Because, I know it is going to be boring on the plane. Sigh. :(

I'm out. Toodles!

Words

2008-12-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

Say, it sucks to know that nobody stops you when you're going to leave. The feeling of unwanted and unloved is across my forehead. I still do remember crying like an ass. Tears start pouring down my cheeks when you hung up without saying a word. Red blotchy face, with a mind that had gone crazy and nuts. To know that maybe this time, you're giving up. Still crying and jumping around, don't know what to do anymore as I'm feeling so lost inside my heart and mind, without thinking twice, I ran to the bathroom and quickly change. In a second, I was outside my house, running to you, with red eyes and heavy eyebag as I didn't have the chance to sleep peacefully. With an empty stomach, stinky self, I didn't bother about it. People stopping their cars to check on me as I was running like a crazy girl early in the morning. I wanted to faint. I wanted to faint right there, so you could catch me. But, I know it won't happened. As I've reached to you, I apologized and hugged you tightly from the back. What I couldn't belive was, you sent me back home. That moment, I guess thats it. I've proven enough. I decided to walk home. Feeling half satiesfied, yet the other half is filled with dissapointment. Satiesfied, for being the brave one who walked all the way to show up and apologize. Dissapointment, for thinking maybe I didn't do enough for you. As I was walking away, you called my name and asked me not to leave.

You brought me to a special place. Where there was a tree. A tree that is big enough to climb on. & you told me, you used to climbed up that tree when you were a little boy. It meant alot to me, as you brought me to places where you used to play, and go to when you were a kid. Before that, I was still crying. On your chest. People were watching me. But, what the heck, I couldn't care less. Because, all I could ever think of, is you. I was afraid of losing you.

After all those, things didn't went smoothly as we want it to be. We argued. I told you I didn't want to leave this place for months. Because I want to spend my time with you. But, after what happened, with those harsh and ugly arguements, I told you, I might think of leaving this place for months. As there was no other options left.

What sadden me most, is that you never stood up and stop me. Instead, you gave me a "whatever". & told me, if I want to leave so much, then go ahead. & that I'm hurting you so much, damaging you so much. Why must it be a "me-me" situation? Can't it be a "me-and-you" situation? You told me to tell you how I'm feeling. There, the first chance. But, you just let it go. Even without stopping me, you didn't leave me a text message asking me not to leave. It broke my heart. I swear, this is much more worse than you cheating on me. But, of course, you didn't cheat on me. I appreciate that. I really do. I was just saying the "IF" issue.
It is really breaking my heart that you didn't try to stop me. It really is. While losing you is what I fear most, I swear to god, I cried so much, I came to find you and stop you from leaving me. & all I'm getting is THIS. It practically BROKE my heart.

I guess, I've made up my mind. Stopping me to leave for months, would really really meant alot to me. Really. But, you didn't. I thought maybe you'll leave me a text message. But, you're just not the same guy I used to date. You're already not afraid of losing me. Not afraid that I'll really leave. So what is the point of staying while nothing is left for me here? Basically, when you didn't stopped me, really, NOTHING is left for me to stay here.

ps: There is NO need to call/text/find him about all this issue. This is MY blog. So if you really want to find out, ask ME.

So I guess I learned a very valuable lesson this week ~ communication is NOT key,
so if something bothers you,
keep your mouth shut and smile,
or you will end up apologizing later.
- Audrina Patridge

Vampires

2008-12-01T22:47:00.000-08:00

Finally, SPM is over and done for me. Phew!
Went out with the boyf to celebrate it. Tehee
We decided to catch a movie. I wanted to watch Twilight.

It was rather an interesting romance-teenage-scifi type.
Without a doubt, no offence to the Harry Potter fans, I guess Twilight is much better than Harry Potter. I still remember myself falling asleep reading Harry Potter. All my Harry Potter collection, were a gift from my aunt. So yeah.
But anyway, yes, I enjoyed Twilight. Tehee.

No pictures for now. As I'm using my new laptop. I feel sorry for ditching my old one. :(
Anyway, thank you daddy for the new laptop! :D
& not presurring me on my studies and SPM.
Yes, my dad even ask me to chill on my studies and accompany him to watch the telly. Haha.
& mommy for bringing me shopping on my SPM week. Yes, i spent rm300++.
Bugger.
The boyf for tutoring me and being so patience with my tantrums. Hmph.
LOVE YOU all big time!

I'm so going to miss my school uniform and my friends. Those recess time and gossips.
Sigh.

Toodles!
LOVE YOU big time!

Tagged by Michelle L.

2008-11-25T09:54:00.001-08:00

1. What’s your ambition?
Lets see. I want to be a lawyer. Yes, you can laugh. Hmph. Or maybe something to do with IT?

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
Friends and boyfriend are both important to me. Tehee

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
I'm not naive like how I used to be. Hah.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Not really.

5. How many babies you want?
One or maybe two. Twins will be pretty! (:

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?
favourite perfume? Funny question. I want to have ALL the perfume :P

7. What do you think will be your greatest downfall?
People I love and care about starts stepping on my head. Gees

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Hmm. It depends.

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)
A man who will be The man, not a boy. Who understands me and loyal.
Most of all, love me best and care for me. LOL. Cheeeeeeesy, I know. :D

11. What are your bad habits?
I tend to bite my nails when I'm nervous. Sigh.

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
Why not try to love me? *pout lips* :(

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Yes, I do. But not to those who step on my head before. Screw it.

14. What do you hate most in others?
They say different things to you, and different things when they're behind you.
Or those arrogant shits who will talk and greet you when they don't have any friends left, but start being meany when they have their friends back. Wth?

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
Fish Fillet in MCD, hot chocolate with marshmellows and strawberry dipped hot chocolate.

16. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl?
The smile. The way he looks at you and his voice & their very own smell.

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Michelle has porcelain skin & she is super sweet!

18.What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
I'll eat, go shopping, bully, talk, cuddle, throw tantrums at the boyf. Oops :D

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
I'll still be me. That's for sure.

20. Whats your guilty pleasure? (something you usually wouldn't admit out loud)
I'll watch channel E! and imagine myself on the red carpet or being a fashion-icon. Haha, me a fashion-icon. HAHAHA. Shit, did I just said that OUT LOUD?! :x

Tagged.

The rules to fill this are:
1) You own a blog where you're gonna post this to,
2) You currently feel bored,
3) You won't skip any question,
4) You're alive (doh!), and
5) You're gonna send this to 5 friends to fill these up.

Firstly, describe the current you in 5 words:
Confuse.
I'm in love with the boyf.
I feel sorry.
Very very bored indeed.
Hungry.

5 things you love about life
Good life.
The boyfriend.
Great family.
Nice friends.
Mommy brings me shopping even if it is on exam season.

5 famous people you'd love to meet
Teuku Emiraldi. (He is considered famous to me :p)
Johnny Depp.
So Jiseop.
Penn Badgley.
Blake Lively.
Paris Hilton.

5 movies you love
The Holiday
Breakfast At Tifanny's.
Funny Face.
Babe.
Sex & The City.

5 professions you'd love to have
A lawyer (yes yes, keep laughing. ;p)
Fashion designer
Celebrity
Heiress? zzz
Princess. Tehee

5 best authors
Cecily Von Ziegesar
Cecilia Ahern
Stephenie Meyer
Kristin Harmel

5 inspirations
The boyf.
Mom.
Paris Hilton. (I know. like wth? :p)
Blake Lively.
Lawyers.

5 favorite stuff
My bloyf
My pluto plushie
My cellphone
My cosmetic box and sets
My laptop
My pets.

5 things you hate
Studying!
Addmaths
Gained weight & can see the difference
Exercising. Sigh
Chores.

5 favorite places
My bedroom
Shopping mall
Infront of the t.v.
Swimming pool
Restaurants with delicious food.
Chic looking cafes in Aussie, Melbourne.

5 girls/guys you are currently liking
Emiraldi
Yasmeen
Lexie
Shinz
myself :D

5 favorite people to chat with
Emiraldi
Yasmeen
Lexie
Shinz
Sim

5 things you wanna improve more about yourself
Cut down those bitchy tantrums on the boyf :(
Much smarter. But, I ain't stupid, okay?!
More self-confidence.
Stop being lazy
Be much more mature :(

5 things you would take to a deserted island
Emiraldi the boyf
colourful and sexy bikinis and shortshorts and nice tanktops!
A toy poodle or a teacup chi hua hua
pretty summer dresses

5 places you wanna visit
New York City
Paris
Italy
Hawaii
Rome

5 things you really want
Emiraldi
Worthy friends to be really worthy and sincere
Loads & loads of cashh
Ace my SPM
My family.

5 songs make you cry most
Elliot Yamin - Wait For You
Secondhand Serenade - Fall For You
Britney Spears - Everytime

5 most fashionable friends according to you
The boyf (heehee)
Tiffany
Denise
Sim
Shalma

5 people you love most
Emiraldi
Mom
Dad
Brother
Aunt Kris & Uncle Terry in Aussie.

5 impossible dreams:
Be a model/celeb
Be a fashionista
The richest woman.
A singer

5 dreams in the future
Married to a great rich man who loves me ONLY.
My own clothing line.
Designer clothes, bags and shoooooooes.
To have 2 wonderful kids, a boy & a girl

now, send this to 5 people.
Yasmeen
Lexie
Yumi
Denise
Stephenie

Bedazzler

2008-11-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

Bought a few bottles of perfume. Took a photos of few of them. Was too lazy to take the rest. Tehee. Well, most girl on this earth loves perfume. :D.

Kylie Minogue, Sweet Darling.

The scent is really sweet.

Then, I got myself a Givenchy set. Tehee. It comes with a cute little white bag, a Givenchy body scented lotion & a Givenchy perfume.

The perfume is nice. Its a little spicy feminine-ish type. I like the bag though. It is really adorable. (:. You can bring it anywhere. From casual shopping, dinner date, or a party.

Ooh, as I was browsing through Xiaxue's blog. I barely read her blog, actually. Somehow, I find her pretty rude and way waaay too dramatic. & I don't really like her blog. Well, not like she knows about my blog or even like mine. LOL. I'm just stating about what I want to say. Since I'm really bored. Sigh. So, of course, I'm not going to leave her a comment, voicing out my opinions on her blog. It is none of my business & I wouldn't like to do that either. So yeah, what the heck? Heee

Uglified

2008-11-23T00:12:00.000-08:00

Pucker!

Things are going better. Thank god. Bo yf convinced me not to take any pills. He will definitely help me out with the stress. So yeah. I know there IS something wrong with me. Especially my constant tantrums and moodswings. Its not normal, I tell you. But, i better keep it personal. (:
I'm not exactly ready for Physics. But, I'll workhard for Physics. Since I like Physics compared to Chemistry & Addmaths. Teheee. After SPM, i really need to go out and shop. As in, seriously. I wont be with baby on Christmas since I will be in Melbourne that time. I know, :(. So, i hope I can make it up to him for New Year.
I just can't wait for SPM to finesh. Bahh

Tuning into: Avant ft. Nicole Scherzinger - Lie About Us.

Toodles.

Scars

2008-11-22T02:22:00.000-08:00

Everything is not the same like how it used to be.
Even my hair is not the same anymore. Hah.
I'm so so stress. I'm actually asking my mom to buy me some anti-depression pills. I know. How depressed. Shit.

Am going to college in a few months time. I can smell things will be worse between us. Since there is no trust-gap, I know it's going to be hard. What had happened yesterday, It was my fault. But, I didn't meant it to happen. Now, I'm just going to be in a relationship..
knowing things will be different. & I know, I wont be as happy like how I used to be. You, yourself also know that, WE wont be as happy like how we used to be. I wonder what really had happened between us. Because, I really don't know.
Because, you happened not to trust me but rather someone else. & I just found that out, yesterday.

Whatever it is, MOM, i need my anti-depression pills!

ps: Sorry guys. If u happened to see my blog, without your bloglink, do tell me. I deleted my blog the other day. (: